Marriage - Four Essential Infidelity Survival Tips

No other act in marriage causes more heartbreak and turmoil than when one partner turns their attention and affection to someone other than their spouse. This, plain and simple is infidelity. Surviving this one act is difficult and many marriages never recover.

When you are the person whose spouse has cheated on your marriage, you most likely became flooded with many different emotions that left you confused and wondering what was to become of you and your marriage.

Dealing with infidelity is difficult. However, there are a few things you should know if you find yourself the victim of an unfaithful spouse.

1. Straighten out your thinking. You can't get on with your life by rethinking the events of the infidelity. Don't focus on why your partner cheated, or sympathize with their behavior, or blame yourself.

Reliving the past won't allow you to move forward. Instead, you need to focus on finding a solution to the problems the infidelity has created.

Before you can proceed, you need to take inventory of yourself and determine whether you want to stay in the relationship or call it quits. You don't have to arrive at a hard and fast decision immediately. But, you do have to determine if you just don't have it in you to give your partner a second chance. If that's the case, then you need to take action to terminate the marriage. If you're not sure, then you should at least try to determine if your spouse wants to stay in the marriage.

You can accomplish this by opening up the lines of communication. You're not going to move forward unless you can gather enough information to make a relational decision about whether you and your spouse both have any desire to make your marriage work. If you're not talking to your spouse, then you're only guessing at your options.

2. Now that you've decided to stay with your marriage, or at the very least, not abandon your marriage, and started talking with your spouse about the problems you both face with your relationship, you need to start assessing your partner's actions.

If your partner has expressed a desire to fix your marriage then you should start looking for signs that they are serious and not just paying lip service to try to put everything back the way it was.

You do this by setting some ground rules. Such as, having them call you and tell you when they are going to be leaving their office, where they are going, who they will be with, and when can you expect them home. Don't go easy on them. You can't rebuild trust in them if they don't prove themselves.

Then watch for their actions. They may say they'll follow the rules, but do they? If you find your spouse saying what you want to hear, but observe them doing something different, they're still cheating on you! If their behavior does not change then they may be a lost cause and you should start thinking about ending the relationship.

If you feel that they are honestly doing what they can to make things right, then you're moving forward in a positive direction to rebuilding your marriage. Take the time you need to test your spouse, but remember, you're not doing this to punish them. You're doing this to lay the foundation to allow them to earn your trust.

3. Now look for signs that your partner is in fact willing to make changes to fix what they have broken.

When you talk with your partner, are they listening to what you have to say and understanding what you have said? If you keep telling them the same thing over and over, but they're not responding to what you want, then they're not committed to making things better.

If your partner seems like they are being impatient with your progress of trusting them, you should interrupt that as a sign that they're looking for a quick fix to put things back the way they were, so they can continue on with their bad deeds.

If your partner continually avoids doing things you request of them with various excuses, then they're not putting forth the effort to fix the marriage.

Remember, they cheated, they need to bend over backwards to make you as comfortable in rebuilding your trust in them as they can. If they're not, then they don't understand what they've done. Nor, do they have any idea how to be in a healthy, mutually agreeable relationship.

4. The signs look good and you feel your partner is as serious about fixing your marriage as you are, then it is time to start opening up and contributing to the repair work. Start by asking your partner what they want out of the relationship and how can you help fix the problems that lead them to the infidelity in the first place. Now, you and your spouse are at the start of rebuilding you marriage.

Infidelity surviving is difficult for both parties, but as the victim of an unfaithful spouse, you can only control your actions and emotions. It is important that you don't try to control your partner with irrational conditions and demands. Give them the same respect as you expect them to give to you. By working together through cooperation and compromise you can build your marriage bond to something that will be rewarding for the both of you for the rest of your lives.

Source: Ezine