Marriage - Cheating Spouses Guide: Questions to Ask

When betrayal has entered your marriage you need a plan of action in order to piece your relationship back together. Don't get hung up in the statistics on infidelity. Your situation is uniquely yours and your partners. It is your marriage that encountered the specific set of problems that it has and it is only through working through those problems with a calculated plan of attack that you will resolve your situation.

Before you can begin moving toward fixing the problems, you have to make some exceedingly difficult decisions.

Included here are two lists of questions that you and your spouse need to determine the answers to before either of you should consider starting reconciliation. Before proceeding, you must assume that your partner will be willing to work on restoring your marriage. You may not know for sure at this juncture, but you must imagine that they are. Take careful consideration of each point, because, the answers you arrive at will lead you to either determining to proceed to try to fix your marriage, or to separate from your spouse and get on with your life.

If you are the partner that strayed you need to figure these things out.

1. Identify the reasons you had that lead you to cheating on your partner. Once you have done so, do you believe that those problems can be fixed with the cooperation of your spouse?

2. Deep down in your heart, do you want to stay with your spouse?

3. Are you willing to change to become the partner your spouse would wish you to be?

4. Are you willing to commit to making the effort necessary to make your relationship work?

5. Are you willing to admit to your partner the mistakes you have made and accept full responsibility for your actions?

6. Can you imagine a positive outcome from your effort to fix your marriage?

7. Can you stay optimistic and patient during the rebuilding process, especially when your spouse isn't?

8. Are you willing to be completely dedicated to making the marriage work, no matter how long it takes?

9. Are you willing to work with your spouse, as an equal partner, to work through your mutual problems and issues?

It's okay if you're not sure of the answers to all of these questions. Just keep them in mind as you reconnect with your spouse to discuss their desire to fix the marriage. If along the way you decide that the answer to any of these questions is no, then you need to evaluate your reason for attempting to rebuild the relationship.

If you are the casualty of your cheating spouses infidelity then you need to figure these things out.

1. Do you have the emotional strength to even begin to try to trust your spouse again?

2. Deep down in your heart, do you want to stay with your spouse?

3. Are you willing to give your partner another chance, of perhaps, hurting you again?

4. Do you believe that you will be able to forgive them for their actions?

5. Do you believe that you will ever be able to trust them again?

6. Are you prepared to be completely dedicated to making the marriage work, no matter how long it takes?

7. Can you imagine, at all, an encouraging outcome for any effort you put into trying to forgive your partner?

8. Can you remain optimistic during the reunion process?

9. Will you be able to put the past behind you and focus on making a mutually happy marriage with your spouse's collaboration?

10. Are you willing to work with your spouse, as an equal partner, to work through your mutual problems and issues?

11. Are you willing to compromise to become the partner your spouse would wish you to be?

If you can't answer yes to all of these questions, then you're not ready to start rebuilding your relationship.

Once a cheating spouse has been discovered, the marriage is thrown into disorder. Their emotions obscure the situation making it difficult to see any solution to their problems.

The questions posed here will help each spouse to evaluate where they are, emotionally and mentally, and assist them in determining the best course of action for each of them.

Source: Ezine