Marriage - Control Issues May Be Causing The Problems In Your Marriage

In the past, divorces were seen for what were considered usual reasons like alcohol abuse, money, extra marital affairs and other abuse. However, there has been an increasing change over the last few years in divorce patterns. No doubt that divorces still come about over these reasons, but there are some other issues that have entered the front line. In many cases more than 60 to 70% of divorces happen because of the controlling nature of one partner. While this involves both men and women, the majority of cases involve controlling men.

Most of the abusive relationships or marriages involves some form of control. And many times it's men who are abusive spouses, but not always. Some forms of an controlling partner is one who tries to restrict or control the other partner in terms of relationships, freedom, power or money. Control is the best way to hold onto power over another person whether or not the marriage or relationship is physically abusive, it's still considered a form of abuse to some degree.

Normally a relationship that has control issues, is where one person tries to control most if not all decisions and aspects of the marriage, most of the times financial. The other partner normally gives in to such demands or behavior because in their eyes it is better to give in, than risk causing any more rifts within the marriage. Not to mention, that it is less stressful to go along. The partner who is controlling gains his or her partner's submission over time, and infuses thoughts that they are the more capable one to be making these decisions or convinces the other partner that he or she is never right. Some people consider this kind of total control an abusive relationship, but a slight imbalance of power in a relationship is not always considered abusive. There's a fine line.

Like I said, some of the most common control issues are associated with finances or money. The controlling partner insists on managing the money and in most cases, denies sharing or revealing information to the other partner about it. What follows as well many times is that they put the other partner on a tight budget and will limit their spouses spending to specific amounts of money, even if they're contributing to the over all household income. They have the point of view that "what is mine is mine and what is yours is also mine". Which means they can spend however they want to, but of course their partner can't. The controlling spouse forces the other spouse into requesting permission for any important purchases or decisions, while they go on spending permission free. If that's the case in your relationship, then you and your spouse need to find a balance here as soon as you can, a marriage built on this type of foundation is not designed to last.

There are many forms of control issues in marriage. Do your marriage a favor by closely examining whether or not control, either lack of or too much is causing the real problems in your marriage. If so, then do your best to strike a balance of power between you and your spouse. It's not only fair, but it's part of what makes a marriage work and continue to last. You might even be surprised at how your spouse may handle increased responsibilities if you are the one who's controlling, at the same time lifting some weight off of your own shoulders.

Source: Ezine