"I feel like a failure."
It was my sister on the phone. She was referring to the collapse of her second marriage. As I heard her say the words with a crack in her voice, I just wanted to reach out and hug her. The first divorce followed seven years of marriage to a man who was emotionally distant and cheating on her. The second marriage wasn't marred by infidelity, but rather enormous conflicts about money.
In truth, both situations were about something much deeper. Jenny, like so many of us searching for love, jumped into two relationships hoping they would somehow fill the emptiness she was feeling inside. When those relationships didn't pan out, she ended up feeling worse than she did to begin with, and even more confused about finding love.
But often times, hitting rock bottom is an opportunity to look at ourselves from a whole different perspective. It's what I call the "magic moment", and it can literally open you up to a whole new direction that can change your life. And very often, the answer is right there in front of you. Or within you, as I like to say.
Since childhood I've enjoyed being around people, listening to them intently, understanding who they are, where they come from and what shaped them. This natural instinct has helped me tremendously in my career as a writer, author and composer, because when I create characters for books or television shows, or even when I'm composing music, it's important that I'm able to connect with people and translate that through the written word, image or song.
When it comes to the subject of love, I've discovered that all of us tend to look outside ourselves for the answer. We meander from one relationship to the next, searching for someone or something else to fill the void -- when it's really about turning inward and learning to first love yourself that will create true freedom.
I know it probably sounds cliche, but I find it to be very true. But how do you do it? How do you go from searching outside of yourself for love to reaching inside and loving yourself first -- and then allowing love to find you? I'm going to show you in a few simple steps:
1. Make Friends With You
Sometimes this is a lot harder than it sounds. I had a friend once tell me that she felt lonely when she wasn't in a relationship. I told her to begin a relationship with herself. She looked at me like I was crazy. I said, stand at the mirror and make friends with the woman looking back at you. She's worth it, you know.
Create time to just be with you, to get in touch with how you're feeling about things, to remind yourself that yes, you matter. Laugh at yourself. Be your own best friend. After all, who could possibly adore you more than you? And when you start learning to be friends with yourself, you'll be amazed how attractive it makes you appear to others. Everyone wants to be around someone popular, right?
2. Realize You Are Worth Loving
Think about it this way: people tend to think if something is free, it has less value than something you pay for. If you're not believing you're worthy of being loved, chances are no one else is either. So it's important to spend some time on this subject. Make a list of your best attributes. Go over and over them until they make you smile. Really feel them. Remind yourself that it's no mistake you're alive and well on the planet. Honor the spirit within by acknowledging you are a value to the world.
3. Stop Looking!
I know it might seem difficult, but you just have to stop looking for love and let it flow to you. I've spoken to so many men and women who are constantly on the "hunt" for love, as if it's something they must tackle and wrestle to the ground. What they're really saying through their actions is: "I feel alone. Scared. And I need YOU to fill me up."
Instead, if you can get into that place of really loving Who You Are, enjoying your own company, and focusing your attention on work, friends, crafts, and day-to-day living, you will be stunned how love WILL FIND YOU!
4. Trust
This is a biggie. I know it can be challenging, believe me. But trusting yourself is about having faith, and having faith is about knowing that things are going to work out for you. That someone -- the perfect someone -- is out there right now, and if you can get into that place of loving you first, and then just trusting the process to come through, you will find that love when you least expect it.
I hope by reading these words that you feel hopeful and inspired, and that -- for even just a moment -- you get a flicker of how truly worthy and amazing you are. Spend time with yourself, learn to love yourself, and watch what happens.
Stewart St. John's new book Love: A Story is available at http://www.stjohn-fisher.com/love-a-story. It tells the powerful fictional story of one woman's decision to end her life, and the mysterious encounter that changes her forever. Stewart St. John is the award-winning children's television writer for shows like Sabrina: The Animated Series and writer/producer of Disney's Seventeen Again. His new web site is a network of original programming, books, children's books, blogs and music called The St. John-Fisher Company http://www.stjohn-fisher.com.
Source: Ezine