When a close female friend of mine asked, "find me a man," I was initially taken aback, but then she explained that she was sick and tired of attracting the wrong sort of men, but having little or no luck with the men that she was really attracted to.
She figured that as a man, I was ideally placed to help her out.
It got me thinking how funny it is that men believe women come from another planet and say they don't know how does their minds work. Yet women seem to have pretty much the same problem with men. But to me, we men are like open books and easy to figure out - I suppose I'm biased though.
I have to admit that Paula(not her real name) had me stumped. I mean, what advice do you give to a thirty something women who still hasn't found the one? I had no idea. I still struggled when I had to speak to the lady next door - and I'd known her for 15 years.
I decided that in order to appear wise and knowledgeable, I'd have to come up with something worthwhile. So I asked Paula to list her top 5 problems with guys.
Here's what she said:
1. Is it ok for a woman to show interest or should she wait for the man to make the first move?
2. How important are looks in getting a guy and getting commitment?
3. I hate it when I'm with someone and they constantly check out other women. Does it mean that he's not really into me?
4. Would I not be considered as 'wife material' if I slept with a guy early on in the relationship?
Now we're talking. Broken down into specifics, I could easily answer Paula's questions.
1. It sure is fine for a woman to make the first move. I thought the attitude of "wait until you're asked" was long gone. In fact I would LOVE it if an attractive lady started a conversation with me. If you see a man you like the look of, a friendly smile and a "hello" can go a long way. If he's interested he will pick up the conversation and away you go. If not, no harm done.
2. Tricky question. It's always difficult commenting on a woman's looks. Of course, men will initially be attracted to something that they like the look of. It could be red hair, a nice smile, pretty eyes, we all have different preferences. But there are a few traits that everybody - men and women - are attracted to. Those are a friendly smile and pleasant body language. In fact, if the whole package looks warm and friendly, physical looks pale into insignificance. I have seen the most beautiful women who walk into a room as though they are a gift from above. Aloof, arrogant and downright hostile. And while I can certainly admire their physical beauty, there is no way I would want to spend any amount of time with them.
3. Oh come on. We all look at other people, it certainly doesn't mean that we're looking to upgrade from the woman we're with. I love it when my partner catches me looking elsewhere and she jabs me in the ribs and teases me. It shouldn't be taken seriously unless it is done in an unpleasant and leery way. If it really makes you unhappy and your guy refuses to curb the habit - he may not be the man for you.
4. Here we have the moral debate, that still rages on today. From the conversations I've had with my friends, the answer to this is DEFINITELY don't sleep with your boyfriend early in the relationship. If this sounds dated, I'm sorry, but we all want to feel special and if a woman is willing to sleep with you after a couple of dates, chances are that's her usual practice with most men. By waiting until you've developed a serious relationship before you take things to the next stage, you will increase your desirability tenfold. So that when things do progress, the wait will have made it all the more special.
So there we have it. Paula's plea to find me a man certainly unleashed my inner counselor. As for Paula, she's still looking for "the one", but at the last conversation we had, she told me that she is having much more fun looking than she used to!
Eventually Paula decided to seek professional help and this is the place she went. She tells me that the advice is amazing - and not to give up my day job. She is now engaged to a great guy and very happy indeed.
If you're serious about finding "the one", this is the book she recommends. Find out how to download it at find me a man
Source: Ezine