Becoming Her Chauffeur
Men like to be seen as useful, and one way we curry favor with the one we like is by offering her rides. It starts small, like going to pick her up when she’s having dinner at our place — we’ll cross downtown just to get her. This is soon followed by trips to IKEA, because she needs 200 tea lights. Finally, when she has to leave town to visit her parents, we come up with a reason why we’re headed in the same direction, just so we can spend a few hours in a car with her.
Crashing Her Yoga Class
Men think that the way to a woman’s heart is through feigning an interest in her hobbies. She says she loves going to yoga and we say we’ve always wanted to try it. The next thing we know, we’re in short shorts trying to contort our body into positions that God never intended for us to achieve.
Letting Women Get Us into Fights
It all goes back to the chest-thumping. When we’re trying to catch the attention of a girl, we can never come off as a wimp. Keep in mind: That doesn’t mean we pick a fight with the first guy we see. It means that if there’s a group of rowdy teenagers sitting in front of us at the movies, it’s up to the man to smack one in the back of the head and tell them to shut their mouths. Of course, this means we’ll likely get jumped in the parking lot and beaten with bicycle chains, but we cross that bridge when we get there.
Relocating Our Entire Lives
Nothing is worse than when we meet a girl we like — a girl we could have something with — only to find out she’s leaving town in four weeks. Some men cut their losses right there, while the brave ones make travel plans. We forsake our careers to pick up and follow that woman. Why? Because love is the greatest pension plan of all.
Hanging Out with Her Ex
Every man has dated a girl that has somehow managed to stay friends with her ex. At first she calls him her friend: "I was talking to my friend, Dan, and blah, blah, blah." But something about her tone of voice tells us that farmer Dan once tilled the field we're now working to sow. Soon enough, we'll meet Dan, and every man in this situation has a decision to make: Do we blow him off or act like we're happy to see his smug face? Smart men treat Dan like a buddy. They pretend they're not at all threatened or jealous over her shared past with Dan because you know who used to be jealous about that kind of thing? Dan.
Watching America’s Next Top Model
If a guy knows what “Smile with your eyes” means, he has clearly tried too hard to impress a girl. Having to watch America’s Next Top Model is a hell that every man, married or single, must endure at some point in his life. The only long-term risk is getting sucked in: We find ourselves at home alone one night, without much to do, and we think, “I wonder if there’s a new Top Model online.”
Being Her Ken Doll
We’re all too susceptible to a woman’s suggestion regarding our wardrobe. We tell ourselves that we look better — or at least she thinks we look better — but no man should own multiple Ed Hardy shirts or a studded Laguna Beach hat. Women like to play dress-up, and we like to oblige. Our willingness to look like a douche is directly proportional to how much we like a girl.
Buying Her a Big-Ticket Item
Men who aren’t so good with the words let their wallets do the talking. We’re all too happy to empty our wallets and drop a wad on some flashy gift, like a diamond necklace or a motorcycle, ‘cause that’s how we roll. We roll on the back of our new girlfriend’s hog, which we bought for her. Suck it, Dan.
Going into Debt
She invites us to her cousin’s wedding before the nature of our relationship has even been established. It’s a trial by fire, and we want to make the groomsmen look like chumps. That’s why we drop $1,000 on a new suit. The plan is to look like Cary Grant, while best man looks like some teenager dressed in his daddy’s suit.
Becoming a Vegetarian
The craziest thing a man will do to impress a pretty lady is to give up meat. That means no roast beef, no steak, and no ribs. In fact, making the decision to date a vegetarian in the first place is crazy, because we become vegetarians by default. Any meals we eat at home from that point on are necessarily free of flesh. And men need our flesh!