Whether you're a military wife, or one of you travels extensively for business, keeping a relationship
strong and stimulating long-distance isn't easy. And then there's your long-distance sex life. What sex life, you ask? Believe it or not, with forethought, a little imagination and a lot of naughtiness, it can be done. Here's how:
While You're Apart
- Keep your libido topped up.
Stop having sex, and you'll stop wanting sex. The more you masturbate when your partner's gone, the more you'll feel like having sex when you're together. Regular orgasms also keep your genitals lubricated and elastic—which means you won't get sore when you're suddenly thrust (literally) into the sex marathon that usually happens when you finally do see each other. - Use erotica for masturbation.
Go online and Google "free porn," and you'll find an absolute flesh feast of porn to choose from. [There's even woman-friendly porn.] If porn's not your thing, written erotica might be. Dip into a classic D.H. Lawrence or give Nancy Friday or Black Lace a whirl. Others you might like? Try The Naughty Bits by Jack Murnighan for the steamiest, most scandalous sex scenes from the world's best books—or Full Frontal Fiction, a collection of short, sassy, modern stories
- What if you want to talk dirty, but you feel too shy to do it "live"?
Write out a sexy scenario, borrow one from a magazine or find a sexy passage in a saucy book. Then call your guy's cell phone when you know he won't pick up and read it out loud as a voicemail. You could also write a sexy e-mail, text or IM. Or, if you're feeling extra-brave, try calling him at work when he can't answer back and tell him (in a stress-free one or two sentences) exactly what you've been up to that day... that is to say, lying around in lingerie (naturally)... but then hang up. Remember: Men are very visual. - Feeling a little exhibitionistic?
Check out Web cams. Google "Web cam sex," and you'll see that there are loads of sites where you can make your own porn—live. Now, I'd strongly suggest that you be very, very careful with this one. What I'm suggesting is more a sneak preview than an I-can-see-what-you-had-for-breakfast type of porn. Just join the site, set up the Web cam, send a sexy text message to your partner to link him to the site and then give him the shock of his life when he sees you on screen. You don't have to do much other than sit on the bed, look sexy (pretend you're not aware the camera is on), then get up and take your top off to reveal a sexy push-up bra. It's up to his imagination where you've gone (a cold shower or solo sex). The thrill is simply seeing a "good girl" like you in such a "naughty" environment. You could probably sit there knitting if you wanted to! (I bet you won't want to though: Exhibitionism and voyeurism are the main themes in 80 percent of sexual fantasies.)
When You're Together
- Plan some sex sessions.
When you're first reunited, any sex feels like good sex because you've both been starved of sex for so long. But once you've taken the edge off, try new things in bed. It's true that absence makes the genitals grow fonder. But if every single time you're together, the sex remains the same, you'll eventually get to the same Yawnsville place as couples who are with each other constantly.
When I say plan a sex session, I don't just mean circle a "sex night" on the calendar. It's got to be done with a healthy helping of anticipation, or it will work against you. Simply saying, "We've got to have sex tonight" is about as sexy as saying, "Tonight we're going to clean out the closet." But if tonight is the night you're going to try doing something naughty, like tying each other up or anal sex, suddenly it's exciting. Planning something new and naughty is erotic. Adding sex to your "to do" list isn't. - Give him one new "treat" every time he comes home.
You can start with some testicle play: Try cradling both of his testacles in one hand. Next, circle the flat palm of the other hand over the surface. Another way to do it is by placing your hand palm up under his testicles, then using the thumb and index finger of your other hand to make a fairly tight ring at the top of the scrotum. They should rest in your palm, neatly together. (Picture a bag of marbles with a drawstring pulled tight at the top; that's how it would look.) A gentle downward tug feels exquisite for guys, and it also smoothes out the crinkly skin, making his testicles nice and smooth to stroke. Alternate the stroking with fondling and massaging. - There's really no such thing as bad timing in sex