- She doesn't back you up
As men, we tend to engage in a few questionable activities from time to time. We'll speak out of turn or end up putting our foot in our mouth on more than one occasion. The comment may be benign, or just a controversial opinion, but it's your opinion nevertheless and you're entitled to it. At which point the standoff becomes clear and your back is against the wall. Your girlfriend should be right there next to you against that wall. If she doesn't respect you enough to back you up in public with friends, parents or colleagues, and if she berates you for it later, you've got yourself a dating deal breaker. - She flirts with other guys
There can be few things more detestable in life than the feeling that you're girlfriend is having more fun with another man than she does with you. If you and your girlfriend go out with a group and you find her authentically laughing at his jokes, touching his arm, generally enjoying his company -- in other words, flirting -- this is a deal breaker. That sour feeling in the pit of your stomach isn't going to go away easily and it's going to cast a pall over the entire relationship
.
- She neglects you publicly
Sometimes a woman's interest is caught by a passerby, a friend from college, an old colleague from work or an old boyfriend. As a man, you don't necessarily need to be the paramount priority in her life, but you do expect to warrant enough regard not to be ignored when this sort of thing occurs. It's demeaning to watch as your girlfriend carries on a conversation with this person, while you're nervously laughing along, smiling and nodding silently because she hasn't introduced you. This shows just how low you are on her priority list. - She lies
This is a tough one. You've just caught her in a relatively small lie, maybe she didn't go to the gym like she said she did and instead went for a drink with her friend. Maybe she broke your date due to illness, but later you find out that she was out dancing. Sure, it's just one lie about something that really doesn't affect the grand scheme of your relationship -- it's nice to think that. Unfortunately, that's not the case. If she's willing to lie on matters of such minor importance, she's probably going to lie to save face when the question is more important. Lying, no matter the reason or the outcome, should always be a deal breaker for your relationship. - She criticizes you
Successful men need their integrity and their self-esteem intact. Believing you can do something and building the momentum to actually go and do it is by far the more difficult proposition. If your girlfriend is willing to criticize you in such a way that it cuts so deeply into such an important part of your successful psyche, then that's a definite deal breaker. You may be tempted to let the first one go, but the longer you let that sort of behavior go unchallenged, the more degraded your self-esteem will be when you let her go.
This one is relative to the amount of time you've been dating. If you've been dating a month and she disappears for a week without telling you what's going on, that's a dating deal breaker. Similarly, if you've been dating for eight months and she disappears for three weeks without prior explanation, you've got yourself a solid deal breaker. She owes you an explanation if she's going on vacation or to visit a sick relative or for any reason whatsoever. You don't have to agree with it, but the fact that she doesn't even mention to you what's going on and remains incommunicado while she's away is ridiculously disrespectful. There's no good excuse not to cut her loose in this case.
When your girlfriend lays into you, either with fists of fury or scathing comments, you need to let her go. Relationships are built upon trust and mutual respect. You're showing her respect every day by valuing her as a person and you deserve the same at an absolute minimum. If she's able to fly off the handle and really try to hurt you, she's unhinged and you need to let her go.
The last thing you want is to look like a scorned child in public. You've been railing against that feeling since you were 13 years old. If you're out in a public setting and your girlfriend attempts to correct your behavior with utter disregard to the surrounding scene, you're smack dab in the middle of a dating deal breaker. She's not your mother and you're not her child. You're equals in a relationship
, although she apparently doesn't think so. Whatever she wants to say to you, she should say in private and discuss it like adults. To scold you in public is right on the fast track to relationship forfeiture. Having a problem with drugs or alcohol is a pretty big deal. Suddenly, priorities are shifted around and the demon becomes all-encompassing. What she does to you suddenly takes a back seat to feeding an addiction. If you suddenly discover her problem, 9 times out of 10, it's a deal breaker. The exception is if you helped to contribute to that problem, or she developed it in some way because of you. In that case you've got an obligation to the issue you've helped create. It's a treacherous tightrope to walk, best of luck.
The granddaddy of all dating deal breakers: This is such a slap in the face to you, your trust, whatever you built in your relationship
, and her integrity. When she cheats she encompasses almost every other deal breaker there is and compounds the problem. The second she's cheated there should be no second chances. If you give a second chance, you're cultivating bad behavior and inviting round after round of infidelity. Most people will cheat, or they won't. It's a binary condition and if you're girlfriend has cheated you've found yourself on the losing end of that deal. It's the No. 1 relationship deal breaker and you just need to walk away with your dignity intact.