Relationship - The Do's And Don'ts For Saving A Marriage

Despite the fact that looking after a marriage is something which every couple has to do, there are still a fair amount of these relationships which are in a bad place.

Those of us who do want to have a go at making the marriage work are at jeopardy of following bad advice. Although modern technology is fantastic, a negative consequence is that it's very easy to get a hold of a large amount of information on all things love and relationships. It is then difficult to know what sources you can and can't trust.

One example of advice that is commonly given, yet is not necessarily helpful suggests saying the right things to improve your relationship. The problem with this is if your spouse doesn't trust you, it will take more than just words to regain their confidence.

Even if your partner does come across as understanding, chances are the issue will still be niggling away at him or her afterwards.

A more effective approach which you could use is to sit down with your partner and honestly discuss each underlying reason that took you both to this situation. It won't be easy, but it will be far more productive than sweeping the issue under the rug and leaving it to linger there.

It is important to recognise that typically if you're asking for forgiveness, you are more concerned about saving your own skin as opposed to your partner's feelings. This will not help your marriage in the long run. It is instead essential that you appreciate the mistakes which you've made and commit yourself to not making them again.

Another bad move to avoid is deciding to spend time apart from each other. In doing something like this, it is very easy for the marriage to deteriorate and the move out to become a permanent one.

What happens when you do this is that you mirror what the circumstances would be if the two of you were to divorce and living your own separate lives again.

It doesn't take much to completely adapt to these changes and decide that you prefer it altogether.

Needless to say, there will be some situations where there are no other options available and living separately is what is required. However in committing to stay under the same roof, you have a far greater chance of dealing with your problems as opposed to running away from them.

Something practical which you can do to improve living together is each finding your own individual space to use. Next time things get tense, you can use that part of the house to wind down and have some alone time. For this to be effective, you need to respect each other's spaces and not invade them.

It can be very difficult to stay calm during such difficult times, but implementing ideas like this will help to gradually overcome these issues together.

Many of us are guilty of letting discussions turn into arguments by overreacting and misinterpreting what the other person says. A better tact to take though is to try and remain calm and objective during these conversation; register what is being said, but don't let it anger or upset you.

Next time you think things could turn into an argument, ask yourself this 'is what I am about to say going to make the situation better or worse?' taking a moment to reflect can help you to avoid things getting more heated than they need to be.

Working on developing awareness of yourself and each other is what will help you to improve the quality of your marriage. So before anything else, let that be your guide.

Jonathon Stevens is a relationship expert. For more great save marriage today, visit

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Source: Ezine


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