Obviously, one of the biggest obstacles any long-term relationship faces is the disheartening possibility that the heat might suddenly disappear. One day, you’re a hot couple that sneaks quickies on your lunch break; the next, you’re the stereotypical “boring couple” that has a lovemaking schedule and eats at the same restaurant every Saturday night because “the food is always hot and it’s not so expensive.” The feeling is palpable when the attraction starts to fade, and it can seriously hinder a marriage, whether you’ve been married for two years or 20.
Therefore, there will come a time when you need to step up and make your special lady feel special all over again. When you spotted that breathless beauty across the room, you were probably the first to wander over with your awkward opening line. Well, after a couple of kids and a variety of other typical life responsibilities have taken their toll, you should find new ways to make that courageous trek all over again. The trick is making her believe she’s that same nervous yet excited girl who watched you approach with bated breath.
The following is a list of ideas that can help you rekindle lost passion in your marriage; at the very least, it will prove that there are ways to postpone boredom and revive old feelings.
Recreate the first few days of your relationship
It’s not about a simple anniversary. It’s not about one day in the early phases of your dating. It’s about reliving those wonderful sensations both of you experienced during the first few encounters. Granted, it won’t be easy, but that doesn’t mean the attempt won’t have the desired effect. Once you embark on reexperiencing -- not reenacting -- those first feelings of interest and attraction, you will be surprised at how rejuvenating those emotions can be. It’s those feelings that should be the focal point of the experiment; your goal is to refresh the current status of your relationship.
You can set up a faux blind date. Arrange to meet each other at a location neither of you have visited in the past and seek to experience a second first date. You can even introduce yourselves all over again, attempt new topics of conversation, and in general, proceed as if you’re seeing each other for the very first time. Again, the attempt alone should provide the necessary spark.
Fight the aging process by staying active
Whether you are in your late 20s or late 40s, when you’re involved in a long-term relationship, you might start to feel as if you’re slowing down. But believe it or not, there really is something to the old saying, “You’re only as young as you feel.” You need to find a physical activity you can do together; not only will it keep you both moving, but it will also get the blood pumping a bit -- and that’s a good thing in more ways than one. Try going for a little hike every week, or take up tennis or racquetball. Whatever you choose, it will not only maintain your health, but it will also bring you closer together.
And let’s say, for the sake of argument, that both of you want to lose a few pounds. Well, working out is tough and misery loves company, so while she hits the treadmill, you can hit the rowing machine. The couple that sweats together bonds together, even outside the bedroom.
Drop everything and get out of town
Spontaneity is fresh, new and “young-hearted” at its core, so take full advantage of this most intriguing of human thrills. You can’t tell her about it; you can’t even drop any hints. Simply show up at her place of work one day, take her by the arm and say, “OK, let’s go.” (It might be a good idea to clear this little move with her boss, though). It doesn’t even matter where you go or what you do; what matters is that you are getting away from the kids, the phone, the calendar, and the deadlines. For at least a couple of days, it’s only about you two, together, doing whatever you damn well please.
The thrill of a sudden vacation alone should do wonders for your relationship.
Be the exact opposite of the man she married
It’s just for a little while, and it doesn’t mean that you should transform into a jerk just because you’ve always been a decent guy. It simply means that you should show her a side of you she’s not familiar with; for example, you could reveal a previously hidden talent, tell her a story she’s never heard or become a hopeless romantic when you’re usually the guy who forgets birthdays. One of the biggest passion killers in a marriage is the onset of tedious predictability, so give her something she couldn’t possibly predict. When working to infuse new passion into a relationship, rediscovering your partner is crucial.
It doesn’t matter if your “unpredictable” side is the ability to juggle. It doesn’t matter if you can tie 18 different kinds of knots. Whatever you reveal to her, what ultimately matters is that she’s never seen or heard it before.
Talk and listen
It may sound generic and even arbitrary, but it truly isn’t. You may have noticed that you don’t talk to each other as much as you used to; when you first began dating, you’d chat into the wee hours of the morning. Now, not so much. You could be immensely surprised at just how responsive your wife will be -- in more than one way -- if you simply ask her about her day and touch her gently on the shoulder. The little things tend to be forgotten as a relationship wears on, and the dinner discussion might eventually become borderline obligatory. This is exactly the kind of thing you’re countering with this tip; make yourself available when she really needs to be heard. It’s not arbitrary, it’s essential, and it really is this simple.
Show her you appreciate her
She does a lot of things for the family, and if there’s one burden women often shoulder, it’s that of being taken for granted. When she does even the smallest thing to help -- something as simple as doing the laundry -- make a point of tossing up a meaningful “thank you.” You can even try a dozen roses with a card that doesn’t say “I love you,” but “I appreciate you.” She might need a day entirely to herself during which she isn’t burdened by anything on the home front; you could spring for a day at the spa or a package deal at the salon. The point is that she’s been doing so much for you, and now it’s time for you to do something specifically for her.
Be playful and let her know she's irresistible
One of the most entertaining and revealing things a couple can do is play games, and I’m not talking about Monopoly. Leave sexy notes around the house, act playful and coy, and watch her react with giggles and warmth. You have to keep her on her toes, regardless of how long you have been together, and doing things like this will keep you in her mind. She’ll also feel wanted, which isn’t just a bonus, it’s an absolute necessity.
In addition to feeling she’s being taken for granted, she may also feel like she’s not as attractive as she once was. She’s still that breathtaking, gorgeous seductress that rocked the bed on your honeymoon, and you know she hasn’t lost a beat. The important thing is for her to know this. If you think that she’s starting to feel a bit insecure, it’s time to make her feel like a sexy woman all over again.