Bliss Barrier 1: The Third-Date Hesitate
You clicked so well the first night you went out, it was like you were fated to find each other. Following a temperature-rising lip lock at your front door after the second date, he cooed, "I'll call you." And he did...three weeks later.
Why he freaks: "Moving on to date No. 3 is a huge deal for me," says Colin, 26, a teacher. "It means I'm not just dabbling anymore, I'm dating."
For most men, evening No. 1 is the let's-see-if-we-click date. No. 2, the get-to-know-each-other date. But before forging ahead to date #3, a guy tackles some tough questions: Do I really like her? Do I feel ready to get involved? In essence, he's looking at the last exit sign on the we're-an-item highway. The time has come to make a clean, guilt-free getaway — or keep driving toward Coupleville.
Get-back-on-track tip: "To avoid third-date dithering, keep the mood casual on the second date by revealing only bits and pieces about yourself so it's clear you like to take your time getting to know a new man and aren't interested in accelerating the pace too soon," advises Susan Bradley, author of How to Be Irresistible to the Opposite Sex (Loving University Press, 1996).
You and your guy have happily spent every one of the last five Saturday nights together. Then, out of the blue, his schedule becomes so overbooked with other people, he can't squeeze in any time with you.
Why he freaks: "When I catch myself assuming a Saturday-night date is a given, I suddenly feel I'm in way over my head," says Jack, 28, a financial planner.
The problem is that "men get anxious when they develop strong feelings for someone," according to Daylle Deanna Schwartz, author of All Men Are Jerks Until Proven Otherwise (Adams Media Corporation, 1998). "They start losing control of their emotions — and that's really scary." So their instinct is to go AWOL to reassure themselves they're not totally hooked.
Get-back-on-track tip: To head off your guy's serial-Saturday panic attack, make yourself less available, suggests Schwartz. "But don't just say you're busy. Be busy." Plan a girls' night out, dive into your work, visit your old college roommate. Allowing him the space he needs to feel like you're not the center of his universe — and that he's not the center of yours — will give him time to adjust to his growing feelings for you without freaking out.
You and your guy have been smooth sailing for four months until the night you proudly introduce him at a party as your boyfriend. You think nothing of it — that's what he is, after all — but later he gives you the cold shoulder.
Sure, all those romantic rendezvous and headboard-banging sleepovers tell him you're a twosome. And even if you call each other every cuddly, nauseatingly sappy nickname in the book behind closed doors, it's still hard for him to acknowledge any public outing that indicates the curtain has closed on his solo act.
Get-back-on-track tip: To avoid the twosome-outing time bomb, do a little digging to find out which lover-labels your guy feels most comfortable with. One trick that worked for Maria, 27, a makeup artist, was to take note of the way her guy labeled the girlfriend or boyfriend of someone they both knew. "He was telling a story about my sister and referred to her boyfriend as 'the man in her life,'" says Maria. "So that's what I called him. We got through those awkward first few intros without him wigging out once."
But if straightforward is more your style, ask him playfully how he wants to be introduced. "My girlfriend presented me with a whole list of possible names — bedmate, love dog, the guy I get high on, man meat," says Reuben, 28, a graphic designer. "Making a big joke out of it eased the whole sticky situation."
You're getting ready for an evening out with your guy and have your hair up in hot rollers when he arrives. He takes one look at you and all the color drains from his face.
Why he freaks: "The first time I catch a glimpse of my girlfriend doing something that I associate with married women or even my mom — clipping coupons, putting on face cream — I get weirded out," says Wayne, 29, an entrepreneur. "I feel like the relationship is about to take a turn for the drab."
When a guy gets the first eyeful of your more domestic side, he's terrified that you've gone from wow to hausfrau — and that the bedroom will soon become the bored room.
Get-back-on-track tip: Assure him that just because he's seeing your more homebody side doesn't mean you've become ho-hum, and continue to suggest fun and exciting things to do together.
To show him you haven't lost your lustiness, mix things up wardrobe-wise. "My girlfriend sometimes surprises me by wearing hot lingerie or a slit skirt on a night when we're just staying in," says Lance, 28, an actor. "It makes me feel like an irresistible — and very lucky — stud. And it's not because I need her to always look totally sexified, it's that when she works it at home for no one else but me, I know we still got it."