Once you and your guy hit the bona fide couple stage, things may cool down a bit. But are you going to let the passion fade without a fight? Hell, no! These tips will reignite your relationship.
Photo: Wadley
It's not exactly late-breaking news that the scorching heat between a couple starts to cool down when the newness wears off. That's because the rush is the result of the exciting getting- to-know-each-other process. "Uncertainty is the very thing that fuels the initial interest and strong desire," says licensed marriage and family therapist Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity. "The paradox is that long-term couples tend to give in to being predictable, which causes the relationship to become stale."
Losing some steam doesn't necessarily signal the end of your twosome. But just because you're not on the edge of breaking up doesn't mean your romance can't use a booster shot. Since Cosmo firmly believes that the fun and frisky times should never have to end, we got relationship experts to divulge their amazing recharge-your-connection tips. Why not start putting them to use tonight? SHARE A SECRET
Tell your partner something about yourself that you've never revealed before. It doesn't have to be a dark confession — it could simply be a big dream you have. Knowing that there are layers to your personality that haven't yet been peeled away will pique his interest... and his attraction to you.
CREATE EROTIC ANTICIPATION
The days of not knowing when — or if — you'll sleep together are long gone...and so is that libido-lifting sense of wonder. Well, you can't go back in time, but you can reignite that excitement. Plan a really hot evening for both of you, but don't let him in on the details. Just tell him that you're cooking up a really sexy surprise for him. Build the anticipation by teasing him with hints of what's to come. Let his imagination work overtime.
VENTURE INTO UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY
Entering into a joint venture that causes a little trepidation can be a bonding experience because you're embarking on the unknown as a team. You don't have to do anything death defying; just step a little outside your comfort zone by, say, traveling to a place where English isn't widely spoken or learning how to cook some exotic cuisine. You'll be creating great memories together that will become a shared reference point for future reconnecting.
TAKE THE LONG ROAD IN BED
Once you figure out each other's hot spots and the best way to get the other off, you always tend to take the same (and quickest) route to O town. After all, that's usually the goal, so why waste time? But if you want to rev up your lust life, get off the expressway and explore different, more indirect paths. Take it slow, and experiment with different techniques and positions to reawaken sexual curiosity and excitement.
BOOK IT
You and your guy should read a book or see a film that you wouldn't normally check out. For example, if you're always into novels, try a nonfiction book. Or check out a documentary if you're normally drawn to comedies. Then, have a discussion about it. Besides getting turned on to different ideas, you'll find out how your partner thinks about something new.
GET A PSYCHIC READING
You don't have to buy in to the predictions, but it's a fun thing to do as a couple. Even if the fortune-teller is totally off base, the reading could spark a discussion about the state of your union...but it will unfold in an organic — rather than forced — way.
Losing some steam doesn't necessarily signal the end of your twosome. But just because you're not on the edge of breaking up doesn't mean your romance can't use a booster shot. Since Cosmo firmly believes that the fun and frisky times should never have to end, we got relationship experts to divulge their amazing recharge-your-connection tips. Why not start putting them to use tonight? SHARE A SECRET
Tell your partner something about yourself that you've never revealed before. It doesn't have to be a dark confession — it could simply be a big dream you have. Knowing that there are layers to your personality that haven't yet been peeled away will pique his interest... and his attraction to you.
CREATE EROTIC ANTICIPATION
The days of not knowing when — or if — you'll sleep together are long gone...and so is that libido-lifting sense of wonder. Well, you can't go back in time, but you can reignite that excitement. Plan a really hot evening for both of you, but don't let him in on the details. Just tell him that you're cooking up a really sexy surprise for him. Build the anticipation by teasing him with hints of what's to come. Let his imagination work overtime.
VENTURE INTO UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY
Entering into a joint venture that causes a little trepidation can be a bonding experience because you're embarking on the unknown as a team. You don't have to do anything death defying; just step a little outside your comfort zone by, say, traveling to a place where English isn't widely spoken or learning how to cook some exotic cuisine. You'll be creating great memories together that will become a shared reference point for future reconnecting.
TAKE THE LONG ROAD IN BED
Once you figure out each other's hot spots and the best way to get the other off, you always tend to take the same (and quickest) route to O town. After all, that's usually the goal, so why waste time? But if you want to rev up your lust life, get off the expressway and explore different, more indirect paths. Take it slow, and experiment with different techniques and positions to reawaken sexual curiosity and excitement.
BOOK IT
You and your guy should read a book or see a film that you wouldn't normally check out. For example, if you're always into novels, try a nonfiction book. Or check out a documentary if you're normally drawn to comedies. Then, have a discussion about it. Besides getting turned on to different ideas, you'll find out how your partner thinks about something new.
GET A PSYCHIC READING
You don't have to buy in to the predictions, but it's a fun thing to do as a couple. Even if the fortune-teller is totally off base, the reading could spark a discussion about the state of your union...but it will unfold in an organic — rather than forced — way.
SAVE TIME TO BE SENSUAL
Once you've become an established couple, all those hours you used to devote to just hanging out together tend to get eaten up by daily obligations and chores. But it's essential to shut out the rest of the world and chill as a twosome. Take a bath together, give each other massages, or sit in bed and cuddle. The point is to relax and remind yourselves how much you enjoy your physical and emotional closeness.
REFRESH YOUR MEMORY
Long-term couples often develop amnesia when it comes to the other's positive traits. Instead of focusing on what pisses you off about each other, think of all the great things that attracted you in the first place. Also, try to recall the various activities that you enjoyed together when you began seeing each other, and start doing them again.
HAVE ENGAGING CONVERSATIONS
If you want to remain interested in each other, you need to be interesting yourself. Instead of getting bogged down by the minutia of your day (do you really think your guy cares how bad the traffic was on your way to work?), talk about what really excites you. Maybe you saw an amazing movie you can't stop thinking about or you read a news item that made your blood boil. Bring back the vitality that you found so attractive in the first place by being a more vibrant person.
TOUCH EACH OTHER...A LOT
Nothing telegraphs closeness and caring more than touch. The simple act of holding hands when you walk together or resting your head in his lap when you're watching TV (code name: the "10 p.m. touch") will keep you connected as a couple. It's not necessarily about being sexual — though it's great if that's the end result — it's just that touching each other throughout the day helps reaffirm your affection.
HAVE FUN
If you ever see a twosome acting like kids, it's a pretty safe bet that they're newly in love. Couples are playful when they first get together, but long-term partners tend to lose that sense of frivolity. To bring it back, do things together that make you both laugh. Play with a Frisbee, challenge each other to strip poker, or sneak up and grab him from behind. You don't always have to be serious just because you're in a serious relationship.
Once you've become an established couple, all those hours you used to devote to just hanging out together tend to get eaten up by daily obligations and chores. But it's essential to shut out the rest of the world and chill as a twosome. Take a bath together, give each other massages, or sit in bed and cuddle. The point is to relax and remind yourselves how much you enjoy your physical and emotional closeness.
REFRESH YOUR MEMORY
Long-term couples often develop amnesia when it comes to the other's positive traits. Instead of focusing on what pisses you off about each other, think of all the great things that attracted you in the first place. Also, try to recall the various activities that you enjoyed together when you began seeing each other, and start doing them again.
HAVE ENGAGING CONVERSATIONS
If you want to remain interested in each other, you need to be interesting yourself. Instead of getting bogged down by the minutia of your day (do you really think your guy cares how bad the traffic was on your way to work?), talk about what really excites you. Maybe you saw an amazing movie you can't stop thinking about or you read a news item that made your blood boil. Bring back the vitality that you found so attractive in the first place by being a more vibrant person.
TOUCH EACH OTHER...A LOT
Nothing telegraphs closeness and caring more than touch. The simple act of holding hands when you walk together or resting your head in his lap when you're watching TV (code name: the "10 p.m. touch") will keep you connected as a couple. It's not necessarily about being sexual — though it's great if that's the end result — it's just that touching each other throughout the day helps reaffirm your affection.
HAVE FUN
If you ever see a twosome acting like kids, it's a pretty safe bet that they're newly in love. Couples are playful when they first get together, but long-term partners tend to lose that sense of frivolity. To bring it back, do things together that make you both laugh. Play with a Frisbee, challenge each other to strip poker, or sneak up and grab him from behind. You don't always have to be serious just because you're in a serious relationship.
Is Your Relationship in a Romance Rut?
The problem with becoming supercomfortable with each other? Complacency can set in. Here, common signs that your twosome may need resuscitating.
1. You can't remember the last time either of you surprised each other.
2. You don't check in beforehand when making social plans for the two of you.
3. Sex has gotten so routine, you're basically on automatic pilot.
4. You think you need other people around to really have fun.
5. You don't mind having less sex because you're closer on an emotional level.
Happy-Couple Habits
Small couple rituals — regular interactions that hold emotional significance — are the glue that keep you connected. Here, a few to try.v
Have a bedtime ritual. On those no-sex nights, couples tend to just roll over and go to sleep. But that can put a wall between you. Come up with a gesture that says "I want you even if we aren't going to get it on." It can be snuggling or holding hands as you drift off — any display of affection that works for the two of you.
Lock lips hello and good-bye. A quick peck on the lips or, worse, the cheek, is more friendly than loving. Instead, plant a full-on passionate kiss on him when you're coming and going. It'll leave both of you with lusty feelings for each other.
Get out of the house. It's easy to fall into the habit of just chowing down together in front of the TV. Set up a night to have a weekly meal out. You can revisit your fave restaurant or try a new place each time. Meet right after work so there's no chance of sinking into the couch once home.
E-mail interesting stuff. Send at least one random news story or funny YouTube clip to your partner daily. It not only shows that you're tapped in to what the other likes, but it also gives you something to talk about when you see each other.
Surprising Romance Wreckers
It's usually not the major blowups that ruin relationships. But these three things can slowly pull you apart.
Cohabiting: You'd think that moving in together would make you a tighter couple. But since you no longer have to put any effort into getting together, you can easily become lazy and start taking each other for granted.
A too-busy social schedule: It's great to get out of the house and see friends. After all, you don't want to become totally dependent on each other. But if all your downtime includes being with other people, you aren't building in important time to chill — and bond — as a twosome.
Criticizing — even mildly: The better you know someone, the more you notice their flaws...and the more comfortable you feel pointing them out. Since nitpicking creates distance, try to make a concerted effort to stay positive, and be sure to compliment your guy when he does something that you appreciate.
The problem with becoming supercomfortable with each other? Complacency can set in. Here, common signs that your twosome may need resuscitating.
1. You can't remember the last time either of you surprised each other.
2. You don't check in beforehand when making social plans for the two of you.
3. Sex has gotten so routine, you're basically on automatic pilot.
4. You think you need other people around to really have fun.
5. You don't mind having less sex because you're closer on an emotional level.
Happy-Couple Habits
Small couple rituals — regular interactions that hold emotional significance — are the glue that keep you connected. Here, a few to try.v
Have a bedtime ritual. On those no-sex nights, couples tend to just roll over and go to sleep. But that can put a wall between you. Come up with a gesture that says "I want you even if we aren't going to get it on." It can be snuggling or holding hands as you drift off — any display of affection that works for the two of you.
Lock lips hello and good-bye. A quick peck on the lips or, worse, the cheek, is more friendly than loving. Instead, plant a full-on passionate kiss on him when you're coming and going. It'll leave both of you with lusty feelings for each other.
Get out of the house. It's easy to fall into the habit of just chowing down together in front of the TV. Set up a night to have a weekly meal out. You can revisit your fave restaurant or try a new place each time. Meet right after work so there's no chance of sinking into the couch once home.
E-mail interesting stuff. Send at least one random news story or funny YouTube clip to your partner daily. It not only shows that you're tapped in to what the other likes, but it also gives you something to talk about when you see each other.
Surprising Romance Wreckers
It's usually not the major blowups that ruin relationships. But these three things can slowly pull you apart.
Cohabiting: You'd think that moving in together would make you a tighter couple. But since you no longer have to put any effort into getting together, you can easily become lazy and start taking each other for granted.
A too-busy social schedule: It's great to get out of the house and see friends. After all, you don't want to become totally dependent on each other. But if all your downtime includes being with other people, you aren't building in important time to chill — and bond — as a twosome.
Criticizing — even mildly: The better you know someone, the more you notice their flaws...and the more comfortable you feel pointing them out. Since nitpicking creates distance, try to make a concerted effort to stay positive, and be sure to compliment your guy when he does something that you appreciate.