Christmas 2010 - A Little Couples Humor
I've been busy helping Linda prepare for the holidays. My jobs are usually quite menial as she wrongly intuits that I'm prone to miscalculation and error. However, I am responsible for the most important task of all. It's putting the tree securely in the stand and centering it so it stands tall and straight in its full magnificence.
This year was especially poignant as Linda found the most beautiful, full, symmetrical, Christmas tree in our now 40 years of picking, attaching, centering, turning, moving and elevating trees of this ilk. In my mind, I was already singing Joy to the World as it appeared more and more likely that this would be a tree and a Christmas for the ages.
I carefully centered the tree on the stand with a steady hand and an eye for detail that would have made Michelangelo proud. Perfect! Never better. However, once we had moved the tree from the driveway to the "perfect spot" in our living room, the tree appeared to lean slightly. Ah yes. Of course. The driveway slants and the living room floor is flat. What to do?
In a blinding flash of intellectual insight (not to mention a time saver), I cleverly decided to prop up the side of the stand that had faced downhill on the driveway thereby bringing this leaning tower back to vertical. True genius. Nine "O" magazines did the trick beautifully.
Linda is occasionally skeptical of my brilliance. After completing my well thought out adjustments, she questioned if it wouldn't make more sense to re-center the tree rather than prop one side of the stand with nine inches of women's magazines. I couldn't believe my ears. The job was masterful. Everything was perfect. Let's get to decking the halls and trimming the tree already. My shrill wails of protest worked. She retreated from her irrational lack of faith to the more accepting stance of a grudging roll of the eyes saying, "Okay honey, if you're sure." My retort was as it always is, "Of course I'm sure. Have a little trust."
For hours Linda garnished the tree, first with lights and then with cherished bobbles, colorful globes, cheery bows and her special little Italian decorations. When complete, we both nearly wept at its beauty. No doubt about it. This would be a Christmas to remember.
Approximately nine hours later as we slept, the tree fell over. It seems that opposing cover shots of flawless women are quite slick and tend to slide away from each other. As face after face blew retreat from the pile, the top of the tree, just like the driveway, headed south. For those of you who have read The Tipping Point, that's what happened to the top of the tree. When a critical mass of missing faces was reached, gravity took over.
When the tree pitched southward, down and across the living room, it carried with it its full complement of lights, cherished bobbles, colorful globes, cheery bows and special little Italian decorations. The resulting explosion of pine needles and colorful bits of fine glass upon the newly resurfaced hardwood floor, prized coffee table and resident living room furniture was spectacular, I'm sure. But if a tree falls in the living room and no one is there to hear it, does it really make a sound? It appears the answer is a resounding YES! Linda was somehow alerted from her sleep that something was amiss in the living room and went to investigate. The scream from the living room similarly aroused me. I, too, went to investigate.
Upon seeing what gravity had done to the tree, Linda didn't seem to be her calm and cool self. In that cute Italian way of hers, she did express some concern over my role in what gravity had done. Without being there, it's difficult to imagine what actually flowed soothingly out of Linda's pursed lips and into my recoiling ears.
At first, I pleaded innocence. I don't run the universe and I certainly don't have any power over gravity. When that didn't work, I blamed it on the magazines. If the damn covers weren't so slick, this would never have happened. When that argument too appeared doomed, I did what any man worth his salt would do - I pleaded for mercy. I offered to buy her anything - fly her to Italy to replace everything - get her a ride on the space shuttle - clean the garage. My whimpering, whining, sniveling and other manly regressions appeared to help. Sort of. It seems I've lost another of my festive duties during the holiday season. My tree-centering expertise will no longer be required.
To learn more about how David and Linda have enhanced and deepened their 40 year marriage through the power of humor and CTypes, stop by David Dibble's site. There is everything you could want or need there to heal any of the most important relationships in your life. For the best advice EVER in relating with any of the 12 Zodiac Signs in your life, drop in any time.
Source: Ezine