It's Friday night and you're on the prowl (except you're not actually using the term "prowl" because it's kind of lame). You may have spent three hours perfecting your 'do so that it appears as though you rolled right out of bed and always look this effortlessly tousled, but the real issue is: Have you spent any time considering the vibes you definitely don't want to give off to members of the opposite sex? With the vast array of dating personae an ordinary guy can adopt on any given night, it can be tempting to transform into what you believe to be the ultimate version of yourself. This can be great when it means upping your chivalry factor just a tad and offering a cute girl the envy-inducing bar stool you snagged, but it can also very quickly veer off into "not so great" territory, and this should be avoided at all costs.
Your mother used to tell you that you could be anything you wanted to be when you grew up. We're not here to discourage that motivational thought process, but we are here to give you a few helpful hints on the male archetypes that most women will steer clear of so that you can steer clear of them as well. Battle of the sexes be damned -- let’s get on the same side! Here is a list of four guys she won’t date.
The BlackBerry business buffoon
Some believe this type only exists in the world of Entourage, but rest assured, the "Ari Gold times 10" model is alive and well on the Wall Street scene. He can be spotted by his sleek suit (he was torn between Burberry and Dolce), trendy pink shirt and tie (the ladies love pink!), and the ever-present smartphone attached to his hand. This category comes along with a very important divide, however: those who actually are this type and those who just desperately try to be. This is distinguishable by whether the main reason for his BlackBerry is actually an insane amount of "urgent" work e-mail or simply just to check his fantasy baseball scores. Which is worse? We're not sure. Either way, the world gets it: You have a job and are at least mildly successful. There’s no need to shout it from the rooftops. Success and ambition are most attractive when they’re expressed subtly -- unless you're trying to attract gold-digging chicks. If so, carry on -- you’re now one of the four guys she won’t date.
The "I don't watch TV" guy
You think it makes you sound intellectual and unique. In fact, it makes you sound just a wee bit pompous with a slight undertone of dishonesty. Everyone watches TV. It's true that women don't want a guy who sits in front of the tube all day long with his hand down his pants a la Al Bundy, but we also don't want a snobby, Gucci-glasses-wearing "society boy" who makes us feel bad for reading Eat, Pray, Love. Intelligence is sexy, but it's even sexier when you can also spout off a few lines from The Office with us. That's what she said.
"Peacocking" players
So you read The Game and watched VH1's The Pickup Artist. You convinced yourself that if those sad saps can snag a chick, well then, by god, so can you! However, you're forgetting one crucial element: we girls watched The Pickup Artist too. And many of us read The Game as well. Yes, your psychedelic shirt and top hat will make you stand out in a crowd, but it will also make most normal girls point and laugh. We may enjoy your tarot card readings or other interesting prop devices you use to start a convo, but it doesn't exactly make us want to jump your bones. Bottom line: Those "get-a-girl tutorials" make some good points, but most guys in ordinary meet-a-girl situations have no idea how to incorporate them naturally and end up going way over the top with it. The one lesson that always works: Confidence is sexy. Leave the top hat at home.
Nightclub boy
You may think these techno-dancing dudes went the way of the dodo a long time ago, but unfortunately they are alive and well. These may be the tight-shirt wearing guys you see picking up all the ladies on the dance floor with their electrifying moves. However, what looks like "picking up ladies" to the casual male observer is usually just sexual harassment to the gals. The rumors are true: girls like to dance. And going to a club to meet a girl isn't necessarily a bad idea, as long as you're mindful of certain variables. Do not attempt to snake your way into a group of dancing girls. They do not want you there. In this one very rare case, Dane Cook was right. They want to dance around their pocketbooks and shoes and screw guys for the night (not that kind of screwing). Do not attempt to show off "The Worm" or any other break-dancing moves you learned in college. Leave the glow sticks at home and approach a girl when she's ready for a drink at the bar. If she likes you, chances are she'll find your normal, "non-raving" dance skills endearing.