You know what stress feels like: Your pulse quickens, your lungs squeeze shut, your ears ring, and you wonder if this is the time your head actually explodes. Sensing anxiety overload, your brain orders up a chemical surge that makes your blood vessels narrow, heart race, blood pressure rise, and muscles tighten. Your body is mobilizing to deal with threat.
Good plan, nature! But you weren't meant to stay on red alert forever. Prolonged stress leads to health problems. High levels of the stress hormone cortisol are associated with heart disease and cancer; stress has also been linked to gastrointestinal problems, eczema, asthma, and depression.
And you probably already know what's involved in long-term, big-commitment stress reduction: physical changes (exercising, eating right, getting plenty of sleep); organizational changes (planning ahead, divvying up chores equitably); attitude changes (letting go of what you can't control, for starters); and relationship changes (finding ways to talk through, directly and respectfully, the problems that are the sources of anxiety). All of these transformations are definitely worth the effort.
But here's what you may not know: Recent studies have suggested six new stress reducers — research-tested, rather surprising, and relatively simple. You can ease these strategies into your life right now.
Strategy 1: Smooch spontaneously
"When I come home from a hard day at work and kiss my husband, the bad stuff doesn't seem to matter anymore," says Cheryl Kennedy Henderson, 47, an accountant in Knoxville, TN. Science says she's on to something. A recent study of 2,000 couples showed that those who kiss only during lovemaking are eight times more likely to report suffering from stress and depression than those who frequently kiss on the spur of the moment. Study leader Laura Berman, Ph.D., an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and ob-gyn at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine, explains why: "Kissing relieves stress by creating a sense of connectedness, which releases endorphins, the chemicals that counteract stress and depression."
Strategy 2: Take the cuddle cure
More good news from the annals of affection: Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill recently found that holding hands and hugging can measurably reduce stress. Fifty couples were asked to hold hands for 10 minutes, then hug for 20 seconds. A second group of 85 people rested quietly, not touching their significant others. Researchers then asked people in both groups to talk about a past event that left them angry or anxious. Those who hadn't cuddled before revisiting the past exhibited signs of elevated heart rate and blood pressure. But couples who had hugged and held hands weren't nearly as ruffled. "The gentle pressure of a hug can stimulate nerve endings under the skin that send calming messages to the brain and slow the release of cortisol," explains Tiffany Field, Ph.D., director of the University of Miami Medical School's Touch Research Institute. And if your honey isn't on hand? Field says other studies have found that a hug from a friend or a professional massage can also help banish tension.
Strategy 3: Lash out less
You may have already concluded what a series of studies has confirmed: When married couples argue, men are more likely than women to withdraw — and this frustrates their wives. The studies also revealed something not as obvious. The way a woman deals with frustration during hostile arguments can measurably affect her stress load, and thus her physical health. Women who responded to their husbands with verbal hostility showed elevated stress-hormone levels during arguments and for hours afterward. Their mates didn't show these physical signs of stress, says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at Ohio State University College of Medicine and a member of the research team. Prolonged surges of stress hormones can damage the immune system, she notes. (One serious physical consequence of a hostile fighting style was discovered last year by researchers at the University of Utah, who found that wives who lashed out at their husbands during disagreements had twice as much coronary artery calcification, a sign of heart disease, as wives who stayed calm. Hostile husbands weren't affected.) "Conflict isn't necessarily bad," says Kiecolt-Glaser. "It's the way couples disagree that affects health." Her advice: Concentrate on the issue at hand and forget about getting even; drop the sarcasm and name-calling. "Generally it's best to try to keep the emotional temperature as low as possible," she says. "The more heated the words or tone of voice, the harder it is for husbands and wives to hear each other. If necessary, take a deep breath and respectfully end the conversation, promising to talk about the situation later, when you're calmer."
Strategy 4: Put the kettle on
Tea is the most popular beverage in the world (after water); even coffee-worshipping Americans guzzle more than two billion gallons of tea a year. Part of the appeal may be its tension-taming powers. In a recent study, scientists at University College London noted that people who drank black tea four times a day for six weeks had lower levels of cortisol after a stressful task than those who drank a caffeinated fruit beverage. Research also shows that a substance in green tea leaves, L-Theanine, may shift brain wave activity from the beta waves that accompany anxiety to the alpha waves associated with relaxation. Maxine Friedman, 43, of New York City, the mother of 7-year-old twin girls, builds tea breaks into her busiest days. She finds the ritual as calming as the beverage. "I start relaxing even before I start to drink — at the sound of the kettle, the feel of the cup in my hand," she says.
Strategy 5: Loosen your electronic leash
Thanks to high-tech gadgets, your kids can reach you 24/7. Knowing where they are and what they're up to? Priceless. But there's a hidden cost. A two-year study of 1,367 working men and women in New York state, two-thirds of them parents, found that all were overburdened by a blurring of the divide between the workplace and home. But while both men and women reported bringing job-related worries home with them, only women felt stress because of home worries spilling over into the workplace. Researchers speculate that cell phones and pagers are responsible for this blurring of boundaries. "When your kids have a crisis or a relative gets sick, it's usually the women, not the men, who get the call at work," says Noelle Chesley, a professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and the study's author. She suggests you take turns with your spouse being "on call" for minor emergencies, and make sure the sitter and the school have his number as well as yours. You may have to retrain the kids, too.
Strategy 6: Reflect on what you value
When your frazzle level is so high you feel yourself spiraling out of control, a quick way to re-center is to remind yourself of what's most important in your life. Researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, asked 85 people to complete a questionnaire ranking their values from what matters most to what matters least. Then the group was divided. Half the people were asked to talk about their top-ranked values; the other half discussed what mattered least to them. Afterward, everyone took part in a stress-inducing task (giving a five-minute speech in front of a heckling audience, then counting backward from 2,083 by 13s). People who'd reflected on their most cherished values had a lower stress response than those who'd discussed matters that didn't mean much. "Affirming your values changes the way you appraise a situation," says David Creswell, Ph.D., the study's lead author and a research scientist at UCLA. "In this case, the stressful event became less of a threat and more of a challenge." He suggests one way to put the research findings to work: In a stressful situation, think about people important to you, and how you've been a good mate, mother, daughter, sister, or friend. "Affirmations of close relationships are powerful sources to draw on," Creswell says.
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