First comes love, then comes marriage, and maybe a baby in a carriage. Then (and the childhood rhyme doesn't mention this part) comes financial reality -- budgeting, savings, how much to spend and on what. And when times get tight, financial troubles can have a devastating effect on marriages.
"Finances are certainly one of the top five, if not top three, problems that marriage faces," said John Phillips, executive director of Evansville, Ill., nonprofit Community Marriage Builders.
Community Marriage Builders offers marriage preparation and marriage enrichment classes. Based on client demand, the group adopted a new curriculum late last year that includes more of a focus on finances. The group is also considering offering Financial Peace University, a money-management program developed by Dave Ramsey.
Money is a common source of discord for a couple of reasons, Phillips said.
For one thing, he said, many people don't know how to handle their own money. This fact might not come up during courtship, Phillips said, since couples don't always take time before the wedding to learn about the partner's financial status and money-handling style.
And since money is intertwined with other relationship issues, such as communication and control, money problems can easily lead to friction. For instance, Phillips said, if a spouse goes into debt and hides this from the other person, then the couple are facing two issues: a financial crunch and a breakdown in communication.
So, with the current state of the economy, local divorce rates may be expected to be on the rise.
That's not the case yet, but local observers say divorce rates don't tell the whole story -- financial hardships are affecting local couples in various ways.
Between Feb. 25 and Dec. 31 of last year, Phillips said, Vanderburgh County, Ill., had 964 divorce filings. So far this year, there were 83 filings in January and 73 in February. Because divorce filings vary from month to month, Phillips said, it's too early to say whether filings will rise in 2009.
Local attorneys and magistrates also say their divorce caseloads are holding steady -- for now.
The Legal Aid Society is a nonprofit law firm that offers civil legal assistance to low-income clients. In 2007, the agency handled 587 cases, 20 percent of which were divorce cases. In 2008, 19 percent of its 565 cases were divorces.
Staff attorney Garvin Senn said he won't be surprised if Legal Aid's divorce caseload increases in 2009.
"It's still early to see (economic effects on divorce rates) and it isn't yet reflected in these numbers.. but we have to expect that they are coming," Senn said
Attorney Scott Danks agreed.
"I've been doing divorces for 20 years, and financial stress in marriage has always been one of the primary causes of divorce," Danks said. "Certainly as the economy worsens you can anticipate more divorces being filed."
If money troubles are so damaging to marriages, why haven't local divorce rates risen? Ironically, financial hardship may make some couples less likely to split up.
Evansville attorney Tim Hambidge said he's had clients tell him that they can't afford to divorce because of the extra expense involved in establishing two separate households.
"It's just the flat out day-to-day cash flow," Hambidge said.
In such cases, Hambidge said, he refers clients to marriage counselors.
Superior Court Magistrate Jill Marcrum said she is seeing some of this phenomenon, too.
"I think there's a certain amount of truth to the fact that there will be some people who stay together because they can't make it with two separate households," said Superior Court Magistrate Jill Marcrum.
The economy is also having an effect on couples whose divorces have already occurred.
Occasionally, Marcrum said, couples will divorce, then work out a home-sharing arrangement. Mom will stay at home with the kids for a certain time while Dad stays with a friend or relative, then Mom moves out for a time while Dad comes to live with the kids.
"It happens, unfortunately, more than we would like," Marcrum said.
Divorced couples trying to divide marital assets are encountering difficulties as well.
Marcrum said she heard two cases this week in which divorced couples are having trouble selling the home they once shared.
"It's having a horrible effect on them being able to get on with their lives."
Marcrum and Hambidge also said they've seen an increase in cases involving child support.
Parents who have their work hours reduced or who lose their jobs may fall behind on making their child support payments, and they may ask a judge to reduce the amount they are obligated to pay. On the other hand, parents receiving child support payments may request an increase in support if they are the ones to lose a job.
"Both sides are feeling the pinch, I think," Hambidge said.