1. Change the context
Some women are nervous to ask for what they want during sex because they feel it sounds too demanding. "Try broaching the subject in a different setting where you can express your desires in a more relaxed way," says Em. "Cuddle up to him while watching a sexy scene on TV and whisper, 'I hope we'll try that tonight.'" He'll be receptive to your feedback, no matter when you offer it.
2. Act the part
You're unlikely to suddenly transform into a tigress—but you can pretend to be one. "Even if it scares you, just do it—make the movements to get on top, pin him against the wall, whatever you'd like to do," says Em. "By simply going through the motions, taking charge will start to feel normal, and you'll be more confident for real."
3. Use a crutch
Get help in the form of a sex manual, a book of erotica, or an online sex shop. "Flipping through a book or browsing a website together can work as an icebreaker," says Em. "The images and the ideas you encounter will make it easy to point out what appeals to you without having to form the words for yourself." Plus, checking out hot-and-heavy material makes for great foreplay!