FIRST MEETING
This is it, you reflect as you drive toward a local coffee shop. You think back on the original connection after reading that delightful profile when you wrote a very funny email and the reply came back that made you laugh and smile. Great start. The two telephone calls that followed were also filled with humor and how quickly you learned about her previous disappointments using Internet dating services, her divorce, her two dogs, not having children but wanting them in the future, and how much she loved teaching.
You smile as you park your car and cautiously look around wondering if she is arriving at the same time. Afternoon coffee is the perfect way to first get acquainted, although you had nearly suggested meeting at the beach and going for a walk first.
You thought of other ways to meet initially, such as in a park or at the beach for a walk. If the walk is pleasing to both, coffee can follow. If she were an art or music lover meeting in a local museum and even to attending a concert was feasible. There are no rules that determine when and how the first meeting takes place but caution should dictate safety since the person is unknown. Judgment, intuition, and openness play a part as meetings are set up. But over time you had come to realize that an afternoon coffee date gave the most freedom to easily end the get-together or be able to continue it for hours.
It is nearly two, the arranged time, and for a brief moment you wonder if she'll really come. Will this meeting be brief as so often happens or will it be extended? You have no other engagements this beautiful Saturday afternoon and you imagine a wondrous meeting that will continue all afternoon leading to dinner this evening. You smile as you acknowledge that you are trying to fulfill a dream and avoid the more likely probability that it will be over once you meet face to face.
But if we like each other the meeting could be extended. Since most people can assess within a half hour the potential for a friendship or romance, most don't last beyond that brief time. The odds are against initial meetings being positive. Most tend to be over in a half hour or even less.
On the other hand, many of these brief first coffee dates may go on for hours, when two people find a camaraderie and connection that draw them together. This is not different from other meetings with an unknown person or a blind date set up before the Internet was established. Such meetings were just as difficult.
As you wait you dream of the meeting being very pleasant and a strong attraction or "chemistry" immediately occurs. Yes, "chemistry" happens at all ages, you realize and with just as much excitement and anticipation for the future. For a few moments you close your eyes and dream that when you open them she will be standing in front of you and instantaneously both will know that the search is over. You even struggle as you contemplate not opening your eyes until a hand taps you on the shoulder and the miracle begins.
Another adventure is about to take place you reflect as you finally open your eyes. At that moment you glance up as the door opens and she enters, smiles and extends her hand. You look into each other's eyes. No words, none needed. You know that this afternoon will be different and you begin to imagine where you will take her to dinner.
By Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. July 28, 2011
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Marvin H. Berenson, M.D. is Clinical Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, USC Keck School of Medicine, psychiatrist, lecturer, author and artist.
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Source: Ezine