Love - Finding Real Love: Trick or Treat?

Sometimes finding real love can be a little like Trick or Treat. Only you end up feeling like you got the Trick instead of the Treat.

All you really want is someone special to make you feel loved and cared for. But, you don't know how to find that. You may have trouble figuring out how to get into a relationship. Or maybe after you're in the relationship, things change. He loses interest and you don't know what happened. You wonder if this is "as good as it gets?" And you stay even though it's not working. You ask yourself, "Why can't I figure this out?" "All I want is to be loved." It seems like everyone else finds and keeps love without even trying.

So you begin to wonder, "What's the matter with me?

It's good to want to love and be loved. That's how we're created. But, if you didn't learn how to do this growing up, it's like you're watching a game from the outside looking in. No one taught you how to play or even how to get in the game.

So how do you learn to develop a good relationship?

• First you can learn what a healthy relationship looks like and how to recognize "red flags." Terrance Gorksi's Getting Love Right is a great relationship guide.


• You can begin to take appropriate risks in your relationships. You can risk in small ways. They if the other person proves trustworthy, you can try risking a little more.


• Remember, love is supposed to feel good. If someone says they love you, but they don't act in ways that make you feel loved, it may not be real love. You can learn to have healthy expectations of those you let in your life.


• On the other hand, another person will never completely fill you up. This is especially true if you didn't get the love you needed growing up. It's important to be aware of that so you don't overload the other person.


• You can find ways to fill yourself up, from the inside out. It could be connecting with God, doing service, getting out in nature, sharing with a counselor or friend... whatever brings you a sense of wholeness, contentment or joy.


• And you can start having fun! It's okay to enjoy the good in your life today, even if life isn't exactly what you'd like it to be.


• Remember when you love your life and yourself, you become more attractive and selective. Then you're less likely to settle for just anyone. And that makes you even more attractive!

I know it's scary to start living your life today, especially if you've been thinking that your life won't really begin until you find that "special someone." It's easy to think, "Maybe if I fill my life up now, maybe I'll get so comfortable I won't need anyone."

But, that's the Trick that brings the real Treat - getting to the place where you don't need anyone. That's when you're really ready to love someone - to give and receive imperfect, perfectly wonderful real love.

About the Author:

Dr. Vondie Lozano is a relationship counselor, speaker, and workshop facilitator. She knows what it's like to survive a bad relationship. She's also discovered you can find someone good to love, who will really love you back. She taught about relationships at the university level for 15 years. And now she loves sharing with you! For more relationship tips get Dr. Vondie's free Ebook, How to Let Go of the Past So You Can Get Started on Your Future, or visit her blog, www.VondiesLoveChats.com.
copyright 2011