I look at her and then afraid of getting caught stealing a glance I pretend to look in a direction away from her. Then my eye balls start rolling to the side of the face and play a game of hide and seek. My detective grey cells spring to life and eye upon half a dozen other male members of the class playing the same game except that their neck plays the game instead of eyes. And then I chuckle at my fate. I know I can just be a distant admirer because the duality of my heart checks in to liquidate the flow of my emotions. The dual nature which was born in the recent past has become so mature at an early age that it just pisses me off.
The urge to be different and my ego keep me away from the pit of love. At an age when lust is always mistaken as love we tend to fall in this pit. The latter 4 letter l-word is a responsibility and carries a deeper meaning; meaning which our juvenile brain is not ripe enough to understand. Remembering a person sitting miles away, writing letters which carry superfluous meanings, giving presents, etc. is not love. Unbiased care and affection add to its meaning which is long forgotten in today's definition of the word.
Just one practical class in a week and during that golden period also my heart doesn't allow me to sketch the full image of her in my mind. And what about the other officious rodents who are always hungry for a petty chance to make their presence be felt? The look on her face manifests that even she is aware of their 'ready to mingle' approach. Like them, I also don't need her but I just want her. The purity of thought which travels in me is so strong that in a world full of sycophants I feel diminished. But I am proud of this purity because this sets me way apart from others.
I often question myself - does she even know that I exist? Why is she so special to me? Is it her simplicity? Is it her smile? Is it her laugh? Or is it just her face? It's actually the mere thought of her which brings to me joy and a tiny smile and also a bleak hope that one day she will become my responsibility. My heart skips a beat whenever she comes in my 5 meter radius. I am afraid that due to my non gregarious eccentricity this radius will take more than a lifetime to reduce to 1.
Source: Ezine