Love - All Relationships End Miserably So Focus On The Present

All relationships end miserably.

Got your attention, didn't I?

My grandparents were happily married over 72 years when she died at 91. He lived three more years and woke up every day missing her and crying over her loss. He was completely lucid and clear headed until he died, but he missed and grieved her daily.

I want to be the first to tell you that, like my grandparents' love, all relationships end miserably, without exception.

OK, take a deep breath. Again. Feel better yet? This is something you already know. It's not something new.

If we accept that every relationship ends miserably, we can enter love with a focus on the most important part of relationships, the moment. NOW is here, don't waste it on worry and petty arguments. Love each other every moment you are lucky enough to be together. You never know when your relationship will end.

If that sounds pessimistic, you're in denial. While we don't enjoy being reminded of the temporary nature of all things, we know it deep down. Happiness requires this denial be a part of our everyday life.We couldn't go on without denial. We just need to face reality on occasion in order to manage our lives.

We have this moment and only this moment is certain. Even the past isn't certain in a way, because we distort memory over time. Certainly NOW is all we have. So love your kids, your partner, your friends, your home, your life. Even love your pain and misery, because it's a sign that you are alive.

For over 4000 years our species has written about happiness and love. We have learned that there are a multitude of ways to make love a verb, not a noun. Love is an action word that requires us to act loving. When in doubt, make your default position a loving one. When you can, think of the most loving response to offer in every interaction. Forgive yourself when you fail at this, but keep pushing yourself to improve.

The sooner you learn this simple way of acting, the more fulfilling your life will become. Love may be temporary and fleeting, but we can love each other now and each future now. Kiss them goodbye and hold them close while you can. Step back and get some perspective on you as a loving human being.

At the end of life, laying on our death bed, we want to be able to smile and feel the love we have given and received over our life span no matter how short or long that turns out to be.

Love each other now for NOW is all we have.

Steve Litt has been providing psychotherapy for over 40 years. Steve was named Therapist of the Year by the Colorado branch of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) for 2010. Steve provides original content at SMARTERrelationships.com. You can follow him on Twitter at @SteveLittAdvice.

Steve W Litt, LCSW