Some subjects of conversation will make a dude's eyes glaze over in boredom, put him on the defensive...or even leave him questioning your sanity.
cosmopolitan912:http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/dating/Things-Never-to-Utter-Around-Him?src=syn&dom=yah_buzz&mag=cosPhoto: Anna Palma
Here's a man-woman mystery we're dying to crack: Why is it that even when we guys open up and clue a girl in to our thoughts and experiences, you ladies insist on pushing for more and more intimate info as if you're on a fact-finding mission from hell? It's hard for us to relate to your wanting to know everything about us, because even the most love-bitten man doesn't feel the need to be in on every detail about his girl. In fact, certain topics are actually major turnoffs and produce the same skin-crawling effect as hearing fingernails raked across a blackboard. So unless you want your man to secretly wish you came with a mute button, save the following taboo topics for your girlfriends, your mom or your therapist...just not your guy.
The Lowdown on Celeb Dirt
"Whenever my girlfriend gets control of the remote, she switches to a gossip channel and goes on about how lucky Cameron Diaz is or how Drew Barrymore lost 10 pounds. Geez, get a freaking life!"
—Paul, 27
"My ex-girlfriend was obsessed with Brad Pitt. She knew more about his life than Jennifer Aniston does. Whenever he had a movie coming out, I never heard the end of it. I felt like I was dating a stalker, not to mention the fact that it didn't do wonders for my ego. Brad isn't exactly the worst-looking guy in the world."
—Donald, 26
"I met this really gorgeous British woman at a bookstore, so I invited her to have coffee with me. When I got back to the table with our drinks, she was sitting there with a pile of foreign gossip rags in front of her. Before I knew what hit me, she was talking my ear off about Prince Charles and a bunch of other royals I didn't know and couldn't care less about. I was absolutely bored out of my mind. Well, so much for the theory that smart women hang out in bookstores."
—Andrew, 25
"My girl follows celebrity hookups so closely, she could be a gossip columnist. It's always Demi and Ashton this, Jessica and Nick that, as if she's on a first-name basis with them. Whenever she gets going, I get so confused, because I think she's talking about people we actually know."
—Ryan, 30
"Whenever my girlfriend gets control of the remote, she switches to a gossip channel and goes on about how lucky Cameron Diaz is or how Drew Barrymore lost 10 pounds. Geez, get a freaking life!"
—Paul, 27
"My ex-girlfriend was obsessed with Brad Pitt. She knew more about his life than Jennifer Aniston does. Whenever he had a movie coming out, I never heard the end of it. I felt like I was dating a stalker, not to mention the fact that it didn't do wonders for my ego. Brad isn't exactly the worst-looking guy in the world."
—Donald, 26
"I met this really gorgeous British woman at a bookstore, so I invited her to have coffee with me. When I got back to the table with our drinks, she was sitting there with a pile of foreign gossip rags in front of her. Before I knew what hit me, she was talking my ear off about Prince Charles and a bunch of other royals I didn't know and couldn't care less about. I was absolutely bored out of my mind. Well, so much for the theory that smart women hang out in bookstores."
—Andrew, 25
"My girl follows celebrity hookups so closely, she could be a gossip columnist. It's always Demi and Ashton this, Jessica and Nick that, as if she's on a first-name basis with them. Whenever she gets going, I get so confused, because I think she's talking about people we actually know."
—Ryan, 30
Our Sorry in-the-Sack Skills
"My ex gave me instructions during sex like she was a closet dominatrix. I like a woman who's vocal in bed, but not like this. It got to the point where her constant barking always killed the moment. She didn't need to be so harsh, especially considering that I was cool with her giving directions."
—John, 30
"I'm no marathoner in the sack, but I make up for it with lots of foreplay. Yet my girl loves to rib me for my lack of staying power. She thinks it's funny, but our sex life isn't going to get any better by her making me feel like a two-pump chump."
—Samuel, 33
"When my girlfriend and I first started dating, she would talk to me during sex and it was like listening to the navigational computer in my car. 'Go left here. Straight here. Keep going. Now bear right...' Her directions and tone of voice were so stiff. I explained that I liked being told what to do but she needed to loosen up and be more passionate. Now everything she says turns me on."
—Josh, 24
"My ex gave me instructions during sex like she was a closet dominatrix. I like a woman who's vocal in bed, but not like this. It got to the point where her constant barking always killed the moment. She didn't need to be so harsh, especially considering that I was cool with her giving directions."
—John, 30
"I'm no marathoner in the sack, but I make up for it with lots of foreplay. Yet my girl loves to rib me for my lack of staying power. She thinks it's funny, but our sex life isn't going to get any better by her making me feel like a two-pump chump."
—Samuel, 33
"When my girlfriend and I first started dating, she would talk to me during sex and it was like listening to the navigational computer in my car. 'Go left here. Straight here. Keep going. Now bear right...' Her directions and tone of voice were so stiff. I explained that I liked being told what to do but she needed to loosen up and be more passionate. Now everything she says turns me on."
—Josh, 24
Your Ex Files
"I took my old girlfriend to a cute bed-and-breakfast for the weekend, and all she could talk about was how her previous boyfriend had taken her to Paris for a long weekend. Whatever happened to thank you? No wonder we both dumped her."
—Ben, 28
"My girlfriend and I were having brunch one Sunday when we ran into her ex-boyfriend. After he left, she started telling me all about some cross-country trip they took when they were in college. I know there's nothing going on between them, but that doesn't mean I want to hear about the good old days. She should save the reminiscing for her girlfriends."
—Lewis, 27
"My girl asked me to help her put together some do-it-yourself furniture that she'd bought, and I was a total disaster. That's when she went on and on about how good her ex was with tools. The story I enjoyed most was about how he built her a special magazine rack...which, of course, she still has. Now every time I see that thing, I want to break it. I admitted I am no good at this kind of fix-it stuff, so I don't know why she felt the need to rub it in by telling me her ex was the second coming of Bob Vila."
—Ray, 30
"I went out on a blind date, and the woman talked about her ex-boyfriend as if he were Jesus. They had just broken up, and it was so obvious that she wasn't over him yet. But when I said, 'It sounds like you really liked this guy,' she proceeded to dog him out mercilessly. That was such a turnoff, I never called her again."
—Vince, 31
"I took my old girlfriend to a cute bed-and-breakfast for the weekend, and all she could talk about was how her previous boyfriend had taken her to Paris for a long weekend. Whatever happened to thank you? No wonder we both dumped her."
—Ben, 28
"My girlfriend and I were having brunch one Sunday when we ran into her ex-boyfriend. After he left, she started telling me all about some cross-country trip they took when they were in college. I know there's nothing going on between them, but that doesn't mean I want to hear about the good old days. She should save the reminiscing for her girlfriends."
—Lewis, 27
"My girl asked me to help her put together some do-it-yourself furniture that she'd bought, and I was a total disaster. That's when she went on and on about how good her ex was with tools. The story I enjoyed most was about how he built her a special magazine rack...which, of course, she still has. Now every time I see that thing, I want to break it. I admitted I am no good at this kind of fix-it stuff, so I don't know why she felt the need to rub it in by telling me her ex was the second coming of Bob Vila."
—Ray, 30
"I went out on a blind date, and the woman talked about her ex-boyfriend as if he were Jesus. They had just broken up, and it was so obvious that she wasn't over him yet. But when I said, 'It sounds like you really liked this guy,' she proceeded to dog him out mercilessly. That was such a turnoff, I never called her again."
—Vince, 31
Your Bad Body Image and Food Issues
"The first night I spent with my girl, she apologized for her big butt. I told her I thought it was really sexy, but she kept ranting about how much she hates it. Why can't she just let it go and trust me? I'm so tired of reassuring her she has a smokin' body."
—Dave, 26
"First it was the grapefruit diet. Then it was Jenny Craig. Now it's the Fatkins thing. My girlfriend tries a new diet about once a month, and she explains how she's convinced that this is the one that's going to help her lose weight. I always remind her that the reason I asked her out in the first place is because I think she's hot. I wouldn't be attracted to her if she looked like a string bean."
—Derek, 29
"Whenever we make plans to go on a beach vacation, my girlfriend starts a crash diet because she thinks she looks fat in a bikini. She'll call me at work to tell me how she ate only a celery stick for lunch, and she'll bitch about not being able to eat anything for dinner because she has to get skinny. But then she'll have cocktails with the girls and won't throw out that pint of Häagen-Dazs in the freezer. God forbid I say something about the inconsistency. All I want to do is take her someplace warm and have a good time."
—Adam, 31
"I can never do anything spontaneous with my girl because she won't leave the house unless she looks perfect. It takes longer for her to get ready for dinner than it does for us to actually go out and eat it. First she asks if I like her outfit. Next she asks how her makeup looks. Then she drops the fun-crusher on me: 'Do I look fat?' I get so aggravated. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't want it. By the time she's ready to leave, the evening is already ruined because I'm in such a pissed-off mood."
—Andy, 33
"My ex hated her nose. It looked good to me, but she was always complaining that it was too big. After months of whining about it, she decided to get a nose job. So then I had to hear about the procedure for another couple of months. After the operation, she still wasn't satisfied. By then I was burned out."
—Jamie, 30
"The first night I spent with my girl, she apologized for her big butt. I told her I thought it was really sexy, but she kept ranting about how much she hates it. Why can't she just let it go and trust me? I'm so tired of reassuring her she has a smokin' body."
—Dave, 26
"First it was the grapefruit diet. Then it was Jenny Craig. Now it's the Fatkins thing. My girlfriend tries a new diet about once a month, and she explains how she's convinced that this is the one that's going to help her lose weight. I always remind her that the reason I asked her out in the first place is because I think she's hot. I wouldn't be attracted to her if she looked like a string bean."
—Derek, 29
"Whenever we make plans to go on a beach vacation, my girlfriend starts a crash diet because she thinks she looks fat in a bikini. She'll call me at work to tell me how she ate only a celery stick for lunch, and she'll bitch about not being able to eat anything for dinner because she has to get skinny. But then she'll have cocktails with the girls and won't throw out that pint of Häagen-Dazs in the freezer. God forbid I say something about the inconsistency. All I want to do is take her someplace warm and have a good time."
—Adam, 31
"I can never do anything spontaneous with my girl because she won't leave the house unless she looks perfect. It takes longer for her to get ready for dinner than it does for us to actually go out and eat it. First she asks if I like her outfit. Next she asks how her makeup looks. Then she drops the fun-crusher on me: 'Do I look fat?' I get so aggravated. Don't ask for my opinion if you don't want it. By the time she's ready to leave, the evening is already ruined because I'm in such a pissed-off mood."
—Andy, 33
"My ex hated her nose. It looked good to me, but she was always complaining that it was too big. After months of whining about it, she decided to get a nose job. So then I had to hear about the procedure for another couple of months. After the operation, she still wasn't satisfied. By then I was burned out."
—Jamie, 30
Your Female Bodily Functions
"When my girlfriend is PMS-ing, she doesn't let a minute go by without moaning about her cramps and how bloated she feels. It's as if she thinks that by constantly reminding me about it, I'm somehow going to get a period too and we'll share in the misery. I want to help her feel better, but I can't make the pain go away."
—Hal, 27
"I went on a date with this woman who told me what she thought was a funny story about how her friend's gynecologist diagnosed her yeast infection. She couldn't stop laughing about it. What's funny about that? I really didn't want to hear the intimate details. As far as I'm concerned, that was nasty first-date conversation."
—Scott, 30
"When my girl's period comes around, I swear, she turns into the world's biggest whiner. She's constantly begging me to do everything for her, and her excuse is always 'If I move, my cramps are going to start killing me.' Sure, it can be painful for her, but she's not an invalid. She doesn't have to complain so much for me to get the hint that she wants some extra attention."
—Thomas, 26
"Whenever my girlfriend has her period and we're getting dressed to go out, she insists on complaining to me about how frustrating it is that she can't wear her light-colored pants because of her heavy flow. I know it's a natural thing, but it still grosses me out. Besides, there's nothing I can do about it, so I wish she'd just keep that information to herself."
—Bill, 28
"For some reason, an old girlfriend felt compelled to tell me that she gets rid of gas pains by lying on her side, bringing her legs to her chest, and 'letting it seep out.' Any guy who's okay with hearing that should be shot."
—Freddy, 24
"When my girlfriend is PMS-ing, she doesn't let a minute go by without moaning about her cramps and how bloated she feels. It's as if she thinks that by constantly reminding me about it, I'm somehow going to get a period too and we'll share in the misery. I want to help her feel better, but I can't make the pain go away."
—Hal, 27
"I went on a date with this woman who told me what she thought was a funny story about how her friend's gynecologist diagnosed her yeast infection. She couldn't stop laughing about it. What's funny about that? I really didn't want to hear the intimate details. As far as I'm concerned, that was nasty first-date conversation."
—Scott, 30
"When my girl's period comes around, I swear, she turns into the world's biggest whiner. She's constantly begging me to do everything for her, and her excuse is always 'If I move, my cramps are going to start killing me.' Sure, it can be painful for her, but she's not an invalid. She doesn't have to complain so much for me to get the hint that she wants some extra attention."
—Thomas, 26
"Whenever my girlfriend has her period and we're getting dressed to go out, she insists on complaining to me about how frustrating it is that she can't wear her light-colored pants because of her heavy flow. I know it's a natural thing, but it still grosses me out. Besides, there's nothing I can do about it, so I wish she'd just keep that information to herself."
—Bill, 28
"For some reason, an old girlfriend felt compelled to tell me that she gets rid of gas pains by lying on her side, bringing her legs to her chest, and 'letting it seep out.' Any guy who's okay with hearing that should be shot."
—Freddy, 24
Other People's Relationships
"My old girlfriend would gush about how romantic it was that her roommate's boyfriend got down on one knee when he proposed to her. Then she'd tell me every freakin' detail about the wedding plans, from the dress to the cake to the invitations. I didn't really know these people, and I hate hearing about mushy stuff anyway, especially if it has nothing to do with me. I just tuned it all out."
—Steve, 36
"My girlfriend loves telling me about how her best friend treats her boyfriend like a pile of garbage, flirting with other guys when he isn't around and spending hours on her laptop to email her exes. I don't want to know the nitty-gritty, because then I feel awkward when I'm around him. Besides, it makes me wonder if my girl is bad-mouthing me behind my back."
—Will, 25
"My girlfriend never stops talking about how great her sister's life is. I'm so tired of hearing about her perfect brother-in-law and her two adorable nephews. It's so obvious that she's using the conversation as a steppingstone to talk about when we're going to get married."
—Rob, 36
"My fiancée's coworker just got engaged, and she told me that her friend isn't satisfied with her ring. Apparently, it's a family heirloom and she doesn't like the cut, the size, or the band. She was telling me this whole drama as if I cared. I kept trying to change the subject, but she didn't take the hint. All I could think was, Poor guy...what a slap in the face."
—Justin, 27
"My old girlfriend would gush about how romantic it was that her roommate's boyfriend got down on one knee when he proposed to her. Then she'd tell me every freakin' detail about the wedding plans, from the dress to the cake to the invitations. I didn't really know these people, and I hate hearing about mushy stuff anyway, especially if it has nothing to do with me. I just tuned it all out."
—Steve, 36
"My girlfriend loves telling me about how her best friend treats her boyfriend like a pile of garbage, flirting with other guys when he isn't around and spending hours on her laptop to email her exes. I don't want to know the nitty-gritty, because then I feel awkward when I'm around him. Besides, it makes me wonder if my girl is bad-mouthing me behind my back."
—Will, 25
"My girlfriend never stops talking about how great her sister's life is. I'm so tired of hearing about her perfect brother-in-law and her two adorable nephews. It's so obvious that she's using the conversation as a steppingstone to talk about when we're going to get married."
—Rob, 36
"My fiancée's coworker just got engaged, and she told me that her friend isn't satisfied with her ring. Apparently, it's a family heirloom and she doesn't like the cut, the size, or the band. She was telling me this whole drama as if I cared. I kept trying to change the subject, but she didn't take the hint. All I could think was, Poor guy...what a slap in the face."
—Justin, 27
Phrases He'd Be Psyched to Hear
Want him to think you're the coolest chick on the planet? Drop these lines.
"Tonight, dinner is on me... and all the booze, too." "I bought some new DVDs to add to your porn collection." "I promise, you don't ever have to hang out with my friends again." "It's really unattractive when men are too muscular." "Don't talk. Just take off your clothes and come over here."
Want him to think you're the coolest chick on the planet? Drop these lines.