Marriage - Making Relationships Work With the Use of a Principle Called YOU GO FIRST

People significant in your life tend to be indifferent and insensitive to neither your words nor actions. It's like one giant burden when you try to convince them in making relationships work and not even a trifle of change exists.

Truth be told, we try to mend our relationships by changing someone else. At some point in life, we recognize the certainty of making everyone in our life act the way we think, behave, love and wish. In demanding them to value the things that we value, we also want them to make the first move of changing themselves before we do.

Now the dilemma with this kind of situation is that everyone expects and insists that the other person should undergo the transformation first but nobody wants to make a jumpstart to it. Consequently, relationships are stagnated and unfulfilling.

Consider the time you spend in refusing demands from loved ones or coercing them to do what you want. Making relationships work will be unattainable every time you try to manipulate another person. The relationship suffers more when you force the one you love to act according to your preferences. It's a waste of energy and time so to speak.

Resentment results when you force the person to change to achieve what you wanted. In addition to that, you will also experience "trust" issues knowing that his/her change was not a willful act. And surely with this, you won't fully enjoy your loved one's transformation.

Despite the beliefs that run in your mind, you can never and you should never dictate a person to change. The only person that should change is YOU. Forcing the other to change is not effective while making relationships work by changing yourself does.

People who talk about attempting to control their actions and not their loved ones are often times concerned that they may be abused and overpowered. But haven't you thought about how the other person that you love would feel if you were the ones that controlled over them?

It doesn't make you less like a doormat when you begin to take control over your behavior. As a matter of fact, it is an empowering move that you should take in your life. You always have a choice not to allow someone to overpower you. Respond in a way that is at par to the standards you set for your self but never insist him/her to change.

Empowering your relationship commences from re-identifying the do's and don'ts in a relationship and your reaction to certain situations no matter what it is. The process of defining your personal freedom also begins here. Remember that if you take control over the things you do, you gain your own freedom too.

Bear in mind that your behavior alone is the one that you can truly change. Before telling others what to do, start thinking about what you can do first for a change, if you want to make your relationship work. You are bound to lose every time you concentrate on changing someone else than on what you can differently do for now.

Spend your time wisely by directing your attention on the things you can change in yourself than trying to manipulate someone else for the improvement of your relationship and movement to the path you want. Always focus on how to respond differently to your partner despite your strong beliefs that your partner, parent, friend or child caused your relationship problems. In this way, making relationships work is trouble-free.

When improving your relationships, bear in mind the "go first" principle and think about what you can change, however small, to get it moving to the right direction. Be involved and make the initial step to change yourself before someone else. Surely, you'll be amazed by the rapid improvement of your relationships.

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Source: Ezine


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