Most of the problems in a troubled marriage appear during what most consider to be a "midlife crisis". But, what is the number one complaint at this time? Most of the time the majority of the answers would be poor communication, and it is absolutely correct. Everyone asks the same question, how do I better communicate with my spouse or get my spouse to share his/her feelings?
Good communication is very important especially in marriages which are constantly in crisis. But why is it so important? Without good communication, couples usually get their wires crossed so to speak. Some of these issues involve insecurities brought on by aging, gaining weight, and overall things just not being what they used to be.
One of the reasons for this difficulty in communicating yours or your spouses feelings depends on the environment in which you were raised for starters. Your parents set a model and this model plays an important role in how a person talks with the other partner or spouse.
The man in the marriage is usually the one who has the hardest time talking about how he feels, one of the most common examples is: "his father never said much and he thinks that he is a lot like his dad. He grew up thinking that men don't have to talk much about their feelings and are usually the rock in the relationship". What happens is his wife complains that he never shares his feelings or talks to her about deeper issues. And he doesn't know how to respond to her, he tells her that is just the way he is, so take it or leave it.
Our society has always seemed to condition or ingrained in men not to identify and express worried emotions that are brought on by any circumstance. This is how a majority of marriages can start having complications. At their core, communication resistance among partners are the result of built-in behavior patterns that we were brought up with and now continue. When we have established attitudes and beliefs about how couples should communicate, we tend to stick to that behavior pattern until something really changes it.
Because of this fundamental misunderstanding between spouses, it can cause tremendous strain on what could otherwise be a happy marriage. But, it doesn't mean that it can't change. It's a habit, and like any other habit they certainly die hard, but can be undone with a little practice and patience on your part. Try to convey to your spouse the importance of expressing their feelings, even though they may think it's silly, explain how important it is to you and how it makes you feel. Explain to them how never knowing how they feel about this or that, confuses you and makes it more difficult for you to do the right thing.
Eventually, they will come around. There are also exercises you can do with your spouse on handling communication issues within the marriage. Take some time to research and evaluate what your spouse may best respond to and put it to work.
It's all up to you! If you don't take this action to save your marriage, then who will?
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All my best to you and your spouse!
Source: Ezine