Feeling old and boring, as if life has passed you by? Don't worry. A midlife crisis isn't pleasant, but it's a perfectly normal experience. Here's how to get through it and come out smiling!

What is a midlife crisis?

A midlife crisis is the realisation that you're not only an adult, but have reached the half way mark. If you find this difficult, painful or frightening to accept then you are probably suffering from a midlife crisis.

Who suffers from a midlife crisis?

Men and women aged between 35-55 are most commonly affected. 'For women, a midlife crisis tends to coincide with children leaving home or no longer needing them as much,' says Relate therapist Paula Hall. 'For men, it's more an awareness of ageing and a decline in self esteem, often linked to work.'

Experts agree that the people who suffer most are those who have been feeling dissatisfied for a long time already. 'A midlife crisis can hit you particularly hard if you've been putting up with a job you hate or a miserable marriage because you thought you had to. You can suddenly become quite desperate,' says Paula.

The symptoms of a midlife crisis

There are many symptoms of a midlife crisis, although people may show none or all of these:

• Giving up a job
• Walking out on a marriage
• Having an affair
• Starting drinking heavily
• Feeling depressed, angry and bored
• Going off sex
• Insomnia
• Hypochondria.
• Many people also experience a sense of 'meaninglessness' about things that used to fulfil them. They find themselves asking, 'what's it all about?'

The causes of a midlife crisis

The mind

Experts believe a midlife crisis usually starts in the mind and is often triggered by a particular event, or series of events, such as redundancy, a milestone birthday, a health scare or children leaving home. This leads to a reassessment of life so far and disappointment about how it's turned out.

The body

'Physical changes, such as those brought about by the menopause, may exacerbate a mid life crisis,' says Paula Hall, especially if you're unlucky enough to experience distressing symptoms such as hot flushes and weight gain. 'Many women consider the menopause to signify the 'end' of their youth and fertility,' says Paula. 'If that's your view, then you're bound to feel low.'

Men's bodies also change physically in mid life. These hormonal and chemical shifts can cause symptoms such as lack of sex drive and prostrate problems. They too will take their toll emotionally.

How to help yourself

See it differently. A mid life crisis can actually be a great opportunity to make positive changes and create a happier future.

1. Look after your body

A healthy diet will give you energy. To ease menopausal symptoms naturally eat plenty of soya, lentils, chick peas, mung beans and green and yellow veg. Physical activity, such as a brisk walk every day, will flood your body with endorphins, the happiness hormones, leaving you feeling more optimistic and positive.

And remember, you can prevent many future health problems if you stop smoking and cut down on alcohol and fatty foods.

2. Look after your mind

Focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't. 'See this as the beginning of a new stage in your life, the chance to do things differently, to have more freedom, to stop wasting time,' says Relate's Paula Hall.

Talk about how you're feeling. If you don't want to confide in friends or family ask your GP for counselling or contact one of the organisations below.

3. Consider medication

Medication can be very beneficial if nothing else seems to work. Ask your GP about a short course of anti-depressants or HRT if your symptoms are menopause-related.

How to help him and your relationship

How to help him

If your partner is affected, be supportive and encouraging. 'Women tend to scoff at their partner's midlife crisis, but expect their own to be taken very seriously, which isn't really fair, is it?' says Paula Hall. 'Anyway, why shouldn't he buy a motorbike at 50? Providing he can afford it!'

How to help your relationship

Around 30% of marriages break up between the ages of 40-60, so don't be complacent. Put the spark back by making your relationship the priority. 'For years you've been focused on the children and their needs, now it's time to focus on yourselves again,' says Paula.

Be open minded about trying something new together. People change, so don't assume he will have the same likes and dislikes he had 15 years ago. Maybe he won't want to do yoga with you, but he may want to play badminton, and you won't find out unless you ask him.

Accept that you're changing and he's changing too, but that change can be for the better.

You've still got a long time left, so make the most of it. Get excited about your life!